


The Experiment

by IvanW



Series: The Professor-Cadet [25]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, M/M, Romance, Starfleet Academy, Teaching Sex to a Vulcan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-20 13:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 35,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13719009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: After a disastrous first date, Jim proposes an experiment to Spock.





	1. Audacity

Jim Kirk pulled the PADD from the fingers of the dark haired Vulcan professor.

“We should be having sex.”

The pressor took back the PADD without lifting his gaze to Jim. “No.”

“Oh come on, Spock.” Jim rested his chin on his hand. “I always put out on the first date.”

“You should raise your standards.”

“Hm. Probably. But I think that’s why you had such a bad time last night.”

“I did not say I had a ‘bad time’.” Spock continued to work on his PADD instead of paying attention to Jim.

“Did you have a good time?” Jim asked doubtfully. From his own experience, their date last night had been a disaster from beginning to end. Nothing went right and they hadn’t agreed on _anything_. Jim had ended up feeling pretty bummed and embarrassed by the whole thing. There hadn’t even been any kissing. In fact, Spock had seemed to be in a hurry to end the whole evening.

“No.”

“There you see. We should be having sex,” Jim said again. “You’d have changed your mind.”

Spock finally looked up at him, though his expression remained blank. “We are not compatible.”

“How do you know that since we haven’t done it yet?”

“I do not speak of sexual congress, I speak socially. We do not share the same interests or even the same belief system. The mere fact that you express the intent for us to engage in a casual sexual encounter convinces me that you do not know me at all.”

“Well, I know normally, Vulcans aren’t interested in casual sex,” Jim said, smiling.

“And why would I change my mind now then, Cadet?”

“As an experiment.”

“An experiment.”

“You’re a scientist, right? I want to show you that we can have a very satisfying sexual relationship.”

“Merely having sex does not amount to a relationship,” Spock pointed out.

“Let’s say we have sex for a period of time. Regularly, of course.”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim grinned. “At the end of that period of time, if we both want to go our separate ways, then we do.”

“What if only one of us wants to go our separate ways, but the other one is interested in continuing?”

“Then it still ends. It has to be both of us wanting to continue.”

“The idea for this is entirely illogical.”

“Is it? We both get something out of it. Great sex. No strings attached unless we want them to be, at the end of it all. If not, you continue on to finding your forever sexual partner and I continue on with my life, too.  Logically, this way you get to experiment with casual sex, something few Vulcans get to do—”

“Or want to do,” Spock pointed out dryly.

“Really?” Jim smirked. “You aren’t the least bit curious?”

Spock looked away, out over the Academy cafeteria where they were currently located. “Some minor curiosity I suppose.”

“Casual sex in general or casual sex with me?”

Spock returned his gaze to Jim, raising an eyebrow that managed to make him look particularly snooty. “Casual sex with you,” he admitted. “You have something of a reputation and clearly I found you attractive enough to agree to last evening.”

“Do we have a deal then?”

Spock shook his head. “Hardly.”

“Come on, Spock. What have you really got to lose?” Jim lowered his voice. “It can be secret if you want it to be. No one but us has to know unless at the end of the experiment we decide to continue, right?”

“And how long of a period are we speaking of?”

“Well. Um. I hadn’t thought of that,” Jim said.

“It would seem that you came up with this experiment of yours at the spur of the moment, is that not correct?”

“Maybe,” Jim acknowledged. “Look, I didn’t expect to have a bad date last night.”

“You have never had an unsatisfactory social engagement?”

Jim licked his chapped lips. He gripped the end of the table as he leaned forward. “Not really because at least, well, we had—”

“You engaged in sexual activity.”

“Yeah.” Jim suddenly found himself blushing at Spock’s scrutiny. “There-there really hasn’t been that many, honestly. And to be honest, an unsatisfactory social engagement with someone I really like? No.”

“Perhaps you are not as fond of me as you believe.” Spock set his PADD down. “Our incompatibility was the cause of our ill-suited date, Jim. No amount of physical release is going to change that.”

Jim tried to hide his disappointment. “You’re turning me down?”

Spock pursed his lips slightly. “I should.”

He blew out a breath. “How about one time then? If it’s just not at all good for you, doesn’t convince you to continue with the experiment, than that’s the end of it. If you do have a good time, then we continue with the experiment.” Jim paused. “For say, three months.”

“I must go.”

“Spock—”

The Vulcan stood and began to pack up the messenger bag that had been sitting on the chair beside him. “I will let you know of my decision by the end of the day.”

Jim closed his mouth. He nodded. “Fair enough.”

He watched as Spock left the cafeteria, noting his perfect posture and elegant way he moved. He drummed his fingers on the table. He’d blown it last night. Bringing Spock to a steak restaurant. What the hell was wrong with him? Too stupid and nervous to even think there would be _nothing_ for Spock to eat there. Not much anyway.

And then Jim had said whoever programmed the Kobayashi Maru had been the biggest asshole.

Yup, that asshole was Spock. Or so Jim had been coldly informed.  

Then he’d brought Spock to a bar, because, well Jim suddenly, seriously, needed a drink. Only Vulcans didn’t drink, especially Vulcans named Spock. _And_ someone had groped Spock. That was when the Vulcan had enough and made a beeline for the exit of the bar and their date.

With Jim’s luck, Spock would keep his ‘experiment” suggestion as a firm no.

He got up and went to his next class and after class, he had a message on his PADD.

 _Eight. My apartment_.   


	2. Changed Mind

_Never mind. I have changed_ \---

The doorbell rang in the middle of his typing the sentence. Spock looked up, startled.

_7:57._

Somehow he had lost track of time, which was not at all like him.

Spock found it interesting that Cadet Kirk was not only punctual but early. He had not expected that. Nevertheless, he was now going to have to advise the cadet in person that he had changed his mind about accepting his outrageous offer.

Although, Spock had not actually said the offer had been accepted. He had merely given a time and place. Perhaps it could even be conceived that he had wished to turn down Kirk’s offer in person.

Spock stood and pulled down the jacket of his professor’s uniform. He had not yet had a chance to remove the uniform as his prior social engagement had gone on longer than had been anticipated.

He went to the door and opened it and the words of refusal died instantly on his lips.

Unlike Spock, Kirk had changed. He no longer wore the red cadet’s uniform and in fact wore a charcoal gray t-shirt that clung to his upper torso like a second skin. His biceps bulged out from under the tight, form-fitting sleeves. The shirt was so tight that Spock caught an indecent glimpse of Kirk’s nipples. He wore jeans which were indecently snug too.

He flashed Spock a smile that would have melted the most hardened heart. Human heart. Vulcans could not be so easily swayed.

“Hi,” Kirk said. “Can I come in?”

Wordlessly, Spock stepped back and allowed Kirk to enter. It was likely a mistake, for Spock had intended to tell him no before he’d even gotten the chance to come inside.

He closed the door and turned to watch Kirk as he walked into Spock’s living room. He had to wonder how he managed to walk without the jeans tearing for they were that tight. They left little to the imagination as far as Kirk’s bottom was concerned but then Spock supposed that had been the point of wearing them.

“Cadet—”

Kirk turned around and flashed that smile again. “Jim. Unless you really get into the professor-cadet dynamic. I’m okay with role playing.”

“Since I am a professor and you are a cadet it is not role playing.”

“You’re not _my_ professor, though.”

“Indeed. Dating a student of one’s class is strictly prohibited,” Spock stated. “Dating a student at all is frowned upon though not against the rules, per se.”

“Thank God for that per se part, huh?” Kirk winked. “Besides, we aren’t exactly dating, per se, either. You don’t have to buy me dinner to get into my pants.”

“Cadet—”

“Jim.” He paused and looked around Spock’s apartment. “Nice. I’ve wanted to get my own place.”

“I was under the impression that you enjoyed a friendship with Doctor McCoy, your roommate.”

“Oh, yeah. Bones is great. But I don’t really dig living on campus. And there’s not a great deal of privacy in our dorm. I mean we each have our own room but the beds are singles and the walls are paper thin. If you know what I mean.”

Spock did, unfortunately, know what Kirk meant.

Kirk was now once more looking at him. With an intensity that stirred something almost prehistoric in Spock.

“Want to show me your bedroom or would you rather just start here on the couch?”

Spock was not certain what to answer so he said nothing and he was grateful when Kirk smiled and took hold of his hand drawing him toward the sofa.

“Let’s start with some kissing.”

He nodded and produced his two fingers which Kirk met with a little teasing glint in his blue eyes.

“That’s really sweet, but I’m talking about _kissing_ , Spock.” Kirk’s tongue ran along his bottom lip and Spock watched, fascinated. “Have you done human kissing? With mouths and tongues?”

“Brief experimentation with such methods.”

“Okay.” Kirk nodded. He drew Spock down to sit on the sofa and Kirk sat beside him, so close he might as well be in Spock’s lap. “Let’s try this.” Kirk lifted his hand to Spock’s face and then placed his thumb at the corner of Spock’s mouth, where he stroked there. Caressed. Spock shivered.

Next Kirk traced Spock’s bottom lip with that same thumb, sending tingles up Spock’s spine as he did so. Then he reached for Spock’s hand and brought it to his own face. He grabbed Spock’s thumb and repeated the action against his own lips using Spock’s.

Heat pooled in his groin, and Spock was surprised to find such simple actions so arousing.

“Ahh,” Spock gasped out when Kirk suddenly sucked Spock’s thumb into his mouth, his tongue teasing the fleshy pad there.

The blue eyes sparkled with a mixture of merriment, triumph, and something Spock suspected was sexual desire.

Kirk sucked Spock’s thumb all the way inside his mouth, working it with his tongue and teeth until Spock was gasping and squirming with the jolts of lust Kirk was sending through his body.

“Enough,” he declared, pulling his thumb from Kirk’s mouth.

“Too much?” Kirk murmured.

“Indeed.”

“Next part then.”

Spock suddenly found himself pushed to lay flat on the couch while Kirk loomed over him and across him. He framed Spock’s face in his hands and as Spock waited breathlessly, Kirk’s lips descended on his, chapped and warm, and completely wondrous.

He hitched a breath and, unable to resist, threaded his fingers within Kirk’s sandy-colored hair, holding Kirk’s head in place as the younger man’s mouth slanted over his again and again. He welcomed the intrusion of Kirk’s moist tongue as it dueled with his own. Spock could not deny there was something to this human kissing.

He was only a little startled when he felt the press of Kirk’s hand against the ridge of his growing hardness. Perhaps somewhat shamelessly, he rose a little seeking the touch, aching for it, as his phallus grew against the restrains of his trousers.

Kirk smiled against Spock’s lips but he did not stop the kissing, for which Spock found himself inordinately glad. His other hand joined the other and he began to work his fingers against the zipper of Spock’s pants. He shook with anticipation as Kirk slowly lowered it.

The kissing stopped for a moment, long enough for Spock to gasp out a moan, as Kirk’s hand went inside Spock’s opened trousers and drew out his now fully erect member. No one had ever touched Spock this way. It was true that there were occasions when Spock had touched himself, but no one else had ever done so. And Kirk’s sliding grip over Spock’s shaft was so much better than his own hand that Spock arched, yearning for more.

Kirk’s lips were once more fused to his as over and over, Kirk’s curled fingers grazed over him. A thumb swirled around the tip and Spock gave out a helpless whine. The hand moved away then and Spock thought he mind lose his mind.

“No,” he protested.

“Shh,” Kirk whispered against his lips. “Just a second, sweetheart.” Kirk rose just a little off Spock and undid the fastenings of his own trousers and as Spock peered down between their bodies, he saw Kirk pull out his own erection, red and glistening with pre-cum. Then Kirk was sliding their shafts together, rubbing them along each other, frantically jerking both of them off.

Spock had never felt anything so glorious. Their foreheads pushed together, no longer able to keep their kisses, as they both panted out their hot breaths against their faces. The apartment silence was broken by their grunts and moans and when Kirk threaded the fingers of his free hand with Spock’s, wedging their fingers in together, he nearly came undone.

Again and again their shafts slid and rubbed together, hot slick steel against hot slick steel. Spock sunk his teeth into his lip as he felt the beginning of an overwhelming orgasm slamming through him pulling violent tremors from him as he squirted out ropes of cum all over Kirk’s fingers, cock and balls, and open jeans.

Only a moment later, Kirk gave a hoarse shout as his cum mixed with Spock’s, coating and soiling them everywhere.

For a long time they just lay tangled on the couch together. Spock’s heart was thundering wildly and he could tell that Kirk’s was doing the same.

But eventually, Kirk’s weight moved off of him and got off the sofa altogether and disappeared while Spock still lay boneless. Moments later he felt a warm, damp cloth being wiped over his private area and then Kirk tucked him back into his briefs and trousers, re-zipping him up.

Spock looked up and saw a smiling Kirk standing next to the couch. The smile was different than the one he’d worn when he first entered Spock’s apartment but he couldn’t quite think about the difference. Not now.

“You’re blissed out,” Kirk said, softly.

Spock could only stare.

“Same time tomorrow night?”

He started to nod, but then shook his head. Finding his voice, he said, “Negative. I have a meeting that will run late. Ten O’clock is better.” He paused. “Unless that is too later for you.”

“Not for me, no. Ten it is. So, then, we’re in agreement, right? Three months?”

Still Spock hesitated. Kirk noticed.

“You liked it?”

“An understatement. But—”

“Stop right there. No buts. Not that kind anyway.” The grin from when he entered the apartment was back and Spock found he preferred the other one but he could not say why. “Come on, Spock. I can be discreet. And at the end of three months, you can kiss me goodbye, and be a free man. If that’s what you want.”

“Perhaps what you will want.”

“We’ll see. Okay?”

Against his surely better judgement, Spock nodded.

“Great. Then I will definitely see you tomorrow night at ten. I’m going to go ahead and get out of your way now. Night, Spock.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”

He waited until Kirk left his apartment before sitting up. It was completely unlike him to agree to such an outrageous arrangement. He could not imagine agreeing to it with anyone else, which made him wonder why he had agreed with Kirk. But he had. And as he got up to take a shower, he could not help but look upon the next evening with anticipation.


	3. Conscience

“Am I an asshole?”

“Yep,” Bones replied without looking up from the papers he was surveying.

“No, really.” Jim frowned. “Wait. What are those?”

“Study materials, genius.” Bones looked up and leaned back in his desk chair. Jim had plopped down on the desktop, near the edge, feet casually crossed at the ankles. “Something you might want to familiarize yourself with.”

“Obviously. I mean, who prints them out nowadays? What’s wrong with your PADD?” Jim grinned suddenly. “Wait, did you drop it in the toilet again?”

Bones turned red. “I did not. It just so happens that it just reads better on paper for this class.”

Jim smirked. “All right. So, back to the question at hand.”

“I think I need more coffee for this.” Bones pushed back and stood, heading over to the replicator and getting himself song coffee. “Want some?”

“Nah, I’m headed out soon.”

“It’s almost ten. Surprised you hadn’t left already.”

“Late date.”

Bones returned to his seat, coffee cup in hand. “In answer to your dumb ass question, no more than some and not as much as others.”

Jim frowned. “Okay. I think.”

“What prompts the self-examination?”

“Nothing.”

“Sure, sure. Someone call you an asshole? Cause if they did, just tell me who and I’ll give them a case of Andorian—”

“Nah, nothing like that. I’ve just been thinking, yeah? Sometimes maybe I don’t exactly think things through and I kind of…well…sort of run over people.”

“Well, can’t say I’ve totally noticed, but are you talking generalities or a specific case?”

“I think maybe a specific case. Anyway, I’ll bring it up tonight.”

“Who’s the lucky girl?”

Jim shrugged. “Um. Her name is Susanna.”

“Old Susanna don’t you cry for me?” Bones sang.

Jim laughed. “Yeah that’s her.”

“Let me know if you head to Louisiana so I can get a new roommate, will you?”

Jim snorted. “As if anyone else could put up with you.” He leaned over and ruffled Bones’ hair which earned him a growl. “Not sure when I’ll be home, so don’t wait up.”

“As if,” Bones called after him.

They both knew he wouldn’t go to sleep until he knew for sure Jim was okay.

****

He arrived at Spock’s door five minutes early this time and he wondered if he ought to wait those five minutes but he was honestly anxious to see Spock, so in the end he knocked. Five minutes early or not.

He hoped he looked okay. He’d taken a shower and made sure he was extra clean. He’d chosen a buttoned down shirt this time since it was a little cool out. In a shade of blue he knew enhanced his eyes. He’d chosen black slacks this time but they were just as tight as the jeans were and he ended up deciding to forgo underwear altogether.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his breath spray, shooting in a mist of it just as he heard footsteps approaching the door. He shoved it back into his pocket and straightened.

“Good evening,” Spock greeted him. He sounded faintly like one of those elegant vampires of old Earth movies and for a moment Jim allowed himself the fantasy of Spock biting into his neck.

“Hi.”

Spock stepped aside to let Jim inside the apartment. He noted that this time Spock had changed out of his professor’s uniform and wore some kind of robe belted at the waist. It was a sort of gray brown. Funny how no matter what Spock wore, he looked beautiful.

Jim turned to watch as Spock closed and locked the door. There was the faint hint of incense in the room. “Listen, before we continue I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Very well.” Spock gestured to the couch. The same couch they’d had sex on the night before.

Jim moistened his lips and went over to the couch, sitting down. Spock sat beside him.

“I wanted to make sure that you really do want to do this,” Jim said. “I mean, I know you agreed, but it occurred to me that you might think I was applying some sort of pressure.” Jim held up his hands to stop Spock from speaking. “Not that I think _anyone_ could pressure you into anything you didn’t want, but just in case it was unclear in _any_ way, you can tell me to get lost any time.”

“While I do appreciate the clarification, your unease is not needed. Though I do lack experience and I confess to some measure of trepidation as this is not the norm for me, I am interested in pursuing this level of experimentation.”

It took Jim a few seconds for his brain to catch up to the lengthy way Spock said, ‘I’m good’. But when it did, he smiled.

“Okay, good. That’s a relief. And though I said three months, if at any time you feel uncomfortable—”

“I keep my word.”

“I know. Just…you know.”

Spock nodded. “Yes. And the same for you.”

“Yeah.” Jim blew out a breath. “And one more thing.”

Spock arched a brow.

“Sorry. For being a dunderhead the other night.”

“Dunderhead?”

“Yeah. With the steak place. I like that place. And I guess I just made a stupid assumption that they’d have vegetarian stuff even though it wasn’t something I ever looked for. Um. So. I know it was insensitive but it wasn’t intentional.”

“Very well. I accept your apology.”

“Great.” Jim widened his smile. For a moment he allowed himself the luxury of just gazing into the fathomless dark eyes. “So. What would you like to experiment with next? Any preferences?”

Spock tilted his head and he looked adorably analytical. “I enjoyed the experiment last night and would not be adverse to a repeat of that.”

“All right.” Jim nodded. “That sounds good. But I think, well, maybe we should add some oral stimulation in there too.”

“Oral?”

“Yeah. Just, lay back and let me take the lead. You’ll see.”

Spock actually undid the sash of his Vulcan robe and he did it with such practiced ease that Jim found his mouth watering. He loved it when someone was sexy without even trying.

 “You got anything on underneath that?”

“Negative,” Spock said matter-of factly.

“No?”

“It seemed to be more efficient to leave underthings off.”

Jim swallowed his tongue. “Yeah.”

Spock stood then and slipped the robe from shoulders and down to the carpet below. He hadn’t lied for he was completely, gloriously nude. He then lay the robe across the couch and then himself on the robe. Jim noted that he was already half-hard. Good. Because Jim was all the way.

He pulled out the little travel sized lube he’d brought with him out of his front pocket and tossed it next to Spock on the couch. He shucked his own clothes, aware of flushing like an inexperienced teen when Spock’s gaze moved up and down his body.

“You also did not wear undergarments.”

“I can be efficient too.”

Jim then laid himself across Spock as he had the night before, immediately going for those luscious Vulcan lips. Spock’s lips softened and opened at the touch of Jim’s and with a grown, Jim thrust his tongue inside Spock’s mouth. He tasted faintly of spiced tea.

Jim rose a little so that he could align their cocks together, so that while he kissed and moved along Spock, they would rub and stroke against each other. The hitch in Spock’s breath told Jim that Spock very much appreciated their movements together. Spock’s hands had moved to Jim’s back and were running up and down his muscles there. They would stop just about Jim’s ass cheeks and then run all the way up to his shoulder blades again. Eventually, Jim would make sure Spock was more than comfortable touching Jim’s ass.

He scooted his hand in between their writhing bodies and took hold of their erections, jerking them together for a while, enjoying Spock’s throaty moans almost as much the feel of their cock rubbing together.

He could be at this all night happily, but he had another goal in mind so, he released them, kissing Spock’s protesting lips, and grabbed for the lube he’d brought with him.

“Hang on. You’ll love this, trust me.”

He scooted down the length of Spock’s body, grateful Spock had a long couch so his legs only dangled off the side a little, and then spread Spock’s legs open and placed his mouth at Spock’s groin. The Vulcan stiffened a little, but Jim petted his thigh until he seemed to relax.

Jim squirted lube all over his fingers and then let the lube fall off the couch as he leaned down to draw Spock’s cock into his mouth. Spock arched upward with a strangled cry and for a few seconds Jim fought his natural gag reflex. As soon as he was under control, he began to suck Spock’s dick in earnest, using one hand to grasp the bottom of his shaft and slide it in and out similar to a popsicle. His other hand, the one with the lubed fingers, he inched toward Spock’s puckered hole.  

He watched Spock carefully as he threw his head back, panting and moaning over Jim’s handiwork. Very slowly he pressed one finger into Spock.

“Jim!” he cried startled.

Jim couldn’t really speak with his mouth full of cock, so he petted Spock’s thigh again and pushed the finger in deeper. When he thought Spock could take another, he stuck in a second finger, sawing into Spock while continuing to suck him deeply. Spock’s legs were quivering and he continuously tried to seek more of Jim’s mouth and more of his probing fingers. Jim added the third and finger pumped Spock’s ass while he deep-throated his cock.

Jim never imagined in a million years the sounds of pleasure Spock could—would—make. He was very vocal and Jim loved it. It egged him on to provide more and more pleasure to Spock until Spock screamed and flooded Jim’s mouth with semen. Jim pulled back then, letting it drip out and down his chin. He withdrew his fingers too.

He was so damn hard himself he could hardly stand it. He moved up Spock until he reached Spock’s own mouth.

“Open,” he whispered and was flushed with pleasure when Spock immediately did so.

He shoved himself inside Spock’s mouth as gently as he could with as excited as he was but Spock didn’t balk at it at all and began to suck Jim in a similar way as to the way he’d just done Spock. Some kind of flippant words about Spock being a fast learner were on the verge of slipping out but at the last minute he held them back, not wanting to be that guy.

He wouldn’t last long and he wouldn’t come in Spock’s mouth either. Not yet. He doubted Spock was quite ready for that. So as his orgasm built, he abruptly pulled out and moved down to pain Spock’s chest and abdomen with his release.

Exhausted, Jim collapsed on Spock and lay there for a long time, letting their hearts thunder together. For too long, probably.

****

“Jim?” Bones tired voice in the dark from his own room hit him as soon as he entered their dorm.

“Yeah it’s me, Bones. Go to sleep.”

“You okay?”

“Yes. Go to sleep.”

He staggered into his own room, gazed down at his lonely cold bed, and wished it contained a certain Vulcan professor. Jim shook his head and crawled into bed with his clothes still on.  


	4. Dating?

“So.”

Jim looked up from the PADD he was staring at to look at Bones. He wore his ‘concerned’ face. That meant Jim was in trouble. He reached for his coffee and took a large swallow as he wondered where this conversation would go. He needed to leave soon, but had decided to have one last cup of coffee.

“What?” he asked with what he hoped passed for a breezy smile.

“You and Susanna—”

“Who?”

“Old Susanna?”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. He could kick himself. Lack of sleep was wrecking his brain. “Right. Susanna.”

 Bones narrowed his eyes. “It’s not over already is it? I was going to ask if you were officially dating or something. Getting serious. But if it’s over—”

“No,” he said quickly. “Not over.”

“So you _are_ dating?”

“Maybe. Yes. I don’t know.”

Bones raised both eyebrows at him. “What’s that mean?”

Jim swiped his tongue across his bottom lip. “Look, why do you even care?”

“You’re not sleeping well and you’re not eating. What do these _dates_ consist of?”

“Uh.”

Bones smirked. “I see. That explains the not eating. Jim, you’ve got to eat. You’re wasting away. And given your past…” He let that trail off but Jim got it. He’d confessed to Bones about his anorexia as a teen. Even now it was always something he struggled with. “Can’t the two of you go to dinner or something first?”

Of course they couldn’t. They _weren’t_ dating. Not at all. Jim was just Spock’s experiment.  Or maybe the other way around. They were experimenting with each other. And no food or sleep was involved.  The one time Jim _had_ attempted to have dinner with Spock, Jim had blown it as bad as it could be blown.

“That’s really not our thing,” Jim said. “And as a matter of fact I need to get going to meet Susanna right now.” He pushed back from their dining room table and reached for his jacket.

“At least take an apple.” Bones picked one up from the kitchen counter and tossed it to Jim,

Jim caught it and took a bite. “Done. See you when I get back.”

“Okay.” Bones said okay but he still wore his ‘concerned’ look.

****

Jim wondered what Spock would be up for tonight as he arrived at Spock’s front door. He knew what he hoped Spock would be up for but he didn’t want to rush the Vulcan if he wasn’t ready for that.

Still Jim had brought a container of lube just in case.

The door opened to reveal Spock dressed in black slacks and a black sweater and for a moment Jim forgot how to breathe and knew only how to stare. Black really was Spock’s color. And blue. And well, any color, really. Jim was in deep. Sucker.

“H-Hey,” Jim croaked out. Because suddenly he had very wicked images in his head of laying beneath Spock in his bed and—

“Come in.”

As Jim stepped past the threshold of Spock’s apartment he had a sudden feeling he was in for a world of heartache where this whole messy plan was concerned. All he’d wanted to do was spend some time with Spock, who yeah, he’d been seriously crushing on, and he’d thought he could handle casual, and be over it at the end of the day, when Spock said get lost, and Jim knew he would, but now he knew otherwise and the laugh last would be on him.

The door closed and locked behind him.

There was a new ache in Jim’s chest that he decided he had to ignore. Instead, he turned to Spock with what he hoped was a convincingly winning smile.

“Hi, Spock.”

Spock did that little head tilt that had already become so endearing. “Jim.”

“So, I, uh.”

“Your coat?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Jim started to shrug out of his coat and as he did so he’d forgotten he put the bag with the lube in his coat pocket and it slipped out and onto the floor with a rather loud pelunk sound.

Before Jim could bend down and scoop it up, Spock had picked it up and was now looking at the contents with a very blank stare.

And Jim just wanted to crawl under the carpet or something.

“That’s, uh, well, it’s—”

“I know what it is,” Spock murmured. His dark eyes rose to Jim’s red face. “You used it last time we were together. Although this is a larger container.”

“Right.” Jim cleared his throat. “I just thought, um, you might be ready to, well, you know, um…”

“Engage in intercourse.”

He said it so casually and without inflection and Jim really didn’t know what to do with that so he just nodded.

Spock’s hand curled around the container of lube and his gaze returned to it rather than Jim, which actually made it way easier to talk.

“If you’re ready. Which I don’t know, maybe you aren’t.” Jim licked his lips. “Which is totally okay. No pressure or anything. It’s just, you are insanely hot, especially in those clothes by the way, wow. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you fucking me. I’m sorry if that’s like offensively graphic or something to a Vulcan. But if you don’t want to, that’s all right. Maybe you never want to. That’s not your thing. And I get that. I mean, I can accept that and—”

“Jim.”

Jim blinked rapidly and realized that Spock was once more looking at him. “Yeah?”

“You are babbling.”

“I’m nervous,” Jim admitted.

“About engaging in intercourse?”

“No. About you. And how you’re going to react. I’m kind of out of my element here.”

“As am I,” Spock replied, softly. “However, I am ready.”

“Ready for what?’

Up shot that incredible eyebrow.

“Oh,” Jim squeaked. “Y-Yeah?”

By way of answer, Spock pointed in the direction of his bedroom.

Jim swallowed heavily and turned to head in that direction. He had yet to spend any time with Spock in his bedroom.  

The bed was large, Jim supposed it would need to be with a big, gorgeous Vulcan in it, and covered in a burgundy comforter that looked hand-embroidered with Vulcan symbols.

“My mother made it for me,” Spock said, when he saw Jim’s gaze.

“It’s beautiful.”

Spock carefully pulled it back and to the edge of the bed, revealing sheets that were a dovetail gray and looked as soft as whipped cream. It was all so elegant and masculine at the same time, and for some reason Jim could not fathom, a huge turn on.

He tore his gaze from the sight of Spock’s bed to the Vulcan himself. Spock’s cheeks were flushed a very pale green, almost not noticeable at all. Unless you couldn’t keep your eyes off him, which Jim could not. And Spock was staring at him with such an intensity that Jim could barely breathe.

Spock tossed the lube bottle on the bed and then moved his fingers to the hem of his sweater. Jim’s mouth went dry as Spock pulled the sweater up and over his head, revealing pale skin, sculpted muscles and a surprisingly hairy chest.

“Oh my God.”

“Jim?”

“You. You’re just so incredible,” Jim whispered.

Spock shook his head as though he thought Jim were the most illogical being in the world. And of course he was.

Jim reached for the buttons on his own shirt and slid them open, shrugging out of the shirt and letting it drop to the floor at his feet. Spock had laid his sweater on a chair.

He nudged off his shoes then, aware Spock was doing the same. To keep his mind on his own task, Jim turned away to remove his pants, even though the sound of Spock lowering the zipper on his slacks made him shiver.

“Are you cold?”

Jim turned to face him, completely and utterly nude now. “No, I’m burning up.”

“I could lower the temperature of—”

Jim laughed. “No, Professor. I’m burning for you.”

The intensity in Spock’s eyes became so hot, so smoldering that Jim hitched a breath. He’d never ever reacted to anyone like this. He liked sex and was not ashamed of that, but this was so…overwhelming, so all-consuming.

He took a step around the bed, aware that Spock’s slacks were undone but not off his body yet. He put his arms around Spock’s neck and pressed his lips into the cool Vulcan lips before him.

At first Spock stood stiff and unyielding but then he gave a little moan that went right through Jim. Spock’s lips softened under his and Spock’s shaking fingers came up to thread through Jim’s hair.

“I desire you,” came Spock’s hoarse voice.

“You have me,” Jim assured him. “However you want me.”

Spock increased the pressure of the kiss until it became frantic, bruising almost. Jim was pushed to the bed and as he stared at Spock through half-lidded eyes, Spock discarded his slacks and now crawled onto the bed naked.

Jim bit his lip, his gaze sweeping over Spock.

“Do I displease you?”

“God, no. I’ve never seen anyone as breathtaking as you. I can’t believe we’re here like this. Together.”

“Nor can I.”

Spock leaned down to kiss Jim again, his tongue slipping in to dance against Jim’s. His hands slid over Jim’s chest and down his torso, then back up again, as though he were tracing every inch of bare skin.

“The lube,” Jim gasped out when Spock paused to let him breathe.

“Yes,” Spock said softly. “I am aware of the concept.” He slid his hand down between Jim’s legs and wrapped his fist around Jim’s pulsing erection.

“Oh, oh.” He struggled up against Spock, wanting their bodies to touch as much as possible. “You’re making me crazy.”

“Your psychosis is—”

Jim huffed out a laugh. “No time for your jokes, Spock.”

Spock lay across him, pressing him into the mattress and Jim was sure he would soon come undone. Spock was stroking him now, obviously very good at learning from Jim’s previous instructions.

His other hand reached out for the bottle of lube and Jim thought for sure he would burst into flames. He’d never wanted anyone like this. It was almost too much.

“So-so you put it on your fingers and your—”

“I know, Jim,” Spock murmured against his lips before silencing Jim entirely with another consuming kiss.

Spock broke the kiss and then rocked back on his heels as he squirted out lube from the bottle and coated his erect, glistening cock. Jim watched, mesmerized. Spock met his gaze and there was unmistakable amusement there in his brown depths.

“Am I doing it correctly?”

Jim nodded rapidly.

Spock kept his gaze on Jim as he squirted more lube out onto his fingers.

Jim nearly jumped off the bed when Spock shoved three fingers into him at once. “Whoa, whoa, easy, easy.”

“I-I apologize, I—”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Jim exhaled. “Just unexpected. Next time, maybe start with less fingers.” He held Spock’s hand to him when he would have withdrawn. “Don’t. Please. I have to have you.”

Those dark eyes bored into him like they could see into his soul. The fingers moved within him, Jim let out a needy moan.

“Yes, just like that, babe. Just like that.”

Jim spread his legs wider as Spock’s fingers continued to scissor inside him. He returned a hand to Jim’s shaft, stroking him even as his fingers thrust inside. Jim would surely go mad.

“How long do I—?”

“Now,” Jim said at once. “Want your cock in me now. Now.”

Spock’s breath hitched and it was the sexiest damn sound Jim had heard in his life. He withdrew his fingers, coated his already slicked cock again, and the pressed the tip to Jim’s entrance. “Like this?”

“Yes. Only more. Press it in. Please.”

And Spock did, with slow and careful precision, he entered Jim. His eyes widened more and more as he continued pushing in. His gaze never left Jim’s face, his eyes, everything so hot, so intense, Jim might die.

“Spockkkkkk.”

And then Spock thrust all the way in, to his balls, and Jim thought he really had died. From pleasure.

“Yes, God, yes.”

Jim took over stroking his shaft as Spock began to move within him in powerful, near punishing thrusts. Jim didn’t mind, in fact he egged it on, tilting his pelvis so Spock had better access to ram into him.

Spock hiked Jim’s legs up higher still as he pushed in and pulled out over and over, balls slapping against skin.

It was over too soon. Neither of them could hold back the crash of their orgasms. It was too much wanting for both of them and as Jim felt Spock pour into him, his own cock pulsed and jumped as cum splurted out over his hands and stomach.

Jim became so blissed out it was a long time before he was aware of his surroundings again. His skin buzzed. His mind was fogged.

Spock now lay beside him, his arm wrapped around Jim’s waist. And Jim knew he should be moving. Knew he should be getting up and putting his clothes on. Going back to his own place. Because that’s what he was supposed to do.

But when he tried to make himself move, Spock’s arm tightened around him.

Now fully awake, his heart thundering in his chest, Jim stared at the ceiling. Yet he couldn’t leave. He couldn’t make himself go.

Until he heard Spock’s change of breath and he knew the Vulcan had fallen asleep.

This time he was able to slide out from Spock and he got to his feet, looking down at Spock in his big, gorgeous bed with his creamy soft sheets.

Jim pulled up the comforter Spock’s mother made over Spock.

“God, I’m in love with you,” Jim whispered. “What have I done? I’m so fucked.”

He pulled on his clothes and left.


	5. I Can Feel You Breathe

Jim stared across the cafeteria to where Spock sat with the woman he’d tried to hit on back at the bar in Riverside before he’d met Pike and got talked into enlisting. Uhura was her name, now that Jim thought about it.

He’d seen Spock with her before but hadn’t given that much thought to it. At the time he’d assumed she was just a student with a question for her instructor. But this time he could clearly see there was more to it than that. Uhura was smiling and laughing. She clearly thought a lot more about Spock than she had about Jim.

Jim was not jealous. Oh sure. He was plenty jealous. Spock should be eating his lunch with Jim while Jim laughed and smiled at him.

“Are you going to eat that?”

Jim blinked and tore his gaze away from Spock to look across the table at Gary Mitchell.

Jim was having lunch with Bones and Gary, another cadet, they’d become sort of friendly with. There was something about Gary that was kind of unsettling. A little kinetic energy that seemed almost out of place.

Just now he was pointing to Jim’s largely untouched hamburger. So far he’d managed just one bite out of it. He shrugged and Gary reached for it.

“Nope.” Bones slapped Gary’s hand.

“Hey!”

“He is going to eat it,” Bones said sharply. “Get your own.”

“I had one,” Gary said with a bit of a pout. “I’m still hungry.”

“Go get another.”

Jim smiled. “Sorry.”

Gary sighed and got up from the table. “I’ll be right back.”

Bones thrust the plate with the hamburger at Jim. “Eat. Or I’ll insist on a psych exam for you to continue your courses.”

“You can’t do that.” Jim scowled.

“Watch me.”

“You have no authority. You’re just a student like me.”

“Eat your damn burger, Jim.”

Jim picked it up and took a bite. Chewed and swallowed. It had grown cold but still wasn’t bad. “I’m not starving myself, Bones. I swear.”

Bones nodded. “How’d last night go?”

“Uh.”

“Well, you got back pretty late. I thought you might actually not come home.”

Gary took that moment to return. He eyed Bones and Jim, then sat down, his tray filled with a big steak sandwich and fries.

“How do you stay so skinny eating like that?” Jim wondered.

“Good genes. Never mind that. What are you two talking about?”

“Jim has a new lady love.”

Jim groaned. “ _Bones_.”

“Yeah?” Gary smirked. “Do I know her?”

“No.” Jim took another bit of burger and tried desperately not to give into the temptation to look in Spock’s direction.

“Oh, come on. How do you know? What’s her name?”

“Gary—”

“Susannah,” Bones supplied.

Jim glared. “I’m seriously going to murder you.”

“Susannah,” Gary murmured. “Susannah. Blonde or brunette?”

Jim shook his head.

“Redhead?”

“Geez, will you stop? You don’t know her.”

“I might. Name sounds familiar,” Gary insisted. “Is she stacked?”

“I am _not_ having this conversation.”

Gary laughed. “Uh oh. Must be love.”

“Fuck you,” Jim snapped.

Gary blinked. Even Bones seemed surprised by his outburst.

Jim pushed his unfinished burger away and stood. “I have to go. See you around.” He did not look in the direction of Spock and Uhura.

****

It was raining. And Jim was foolishly standing in the rain outside Spock’s apartment building.

Two hours earlier he’d received a message from Spock asking for Jim to come over. Jim had be pathetically happy to receive the message. He’d barely contained his excitement to see Spock even though the appointed time had not yet arrived.

It had started raining just before he’d left the Starfleet campus and then a rather hover taxi accident had blocked the way for a bit and so Jim had ended up about fifteen minutes later to Spock’s apartment.

He’d been about to go up when he spotted Uhura coming out of the apartment building, umbrella in hand, dashing in the opposite direction. She had not seen Jim. Which was probably a good thing since no one was even supposed to know he was involved with Spock. Jim assumed Spock would keep their assignations as much a secret from others as Jim was doing.

Seeing her gave Jim a sinking feeling in his stomach. Spock had admitted he had no sexual experience and Jim had assumed he meant of any kind but maybe Spock had meant with males. Or, maybe, since Spock was now ‘experimenting’ with Jim, he’d gained the confidence to obtain himself a girlfriend in Uhura. She was very pretty and quite smart so Jim could see the appeal in her. And Jim could guess that she had never invited Spock to a steak restaurant serving no vegetarian dishes or insulted him about programing the Kobayashi Maru.

Jim’s hopes were dashed.

Sure he hadn’t had much hope that they’d continue after their three months had finished. But he’d at least thought he would have those three months to bask in all that was Spock. Now, Jim was not sure. It would be unlike Spock to back out of an agreement, Jim supposed, but for the sake of his new relationship with Uhura, he might.

“Damn,” he whispered as the rain continued to fall down on him. He didn’t have an umbrella, of course. And hadn’t even bothered with a hooded jacket or something.

Jim looked up at Spock’s apartment building. Well, there was no point in avoiding this. If Spock had asked him over to dump him then that was the way it was. Not that you could really dump someone you weren’t exactly with. But the concept was mostly the same.

He’d been dumped before. Okay, yeah, it was a girl in grade school, but he’d been devastated at the time. Lily McBride. He’d never forget that name.

Now as drenched as an old wet dog, Jim traipsed into the front foyer of the building and ignored the judgmental frown the building’s doorman gave him as he headed for the lift.

The ride to Spock’s floor was much quicker than he would have liked and soon he was standing outside the apartment door forcing himself to knock.

The door opened to Spock almost immediately. His eyes widened as he took in Jim’s wet appearance.

“Jim! You are soaking wet.” He ensnared Jim’s wrist and pulled him inside, closing the door. “You must be frozen.”

“Well…a little cold.”

“We must get you out of these clothes at once. I will put them in my dryer. Take your shoes off and leave them there.”

Jim automatically did what Spock said. He had an authority to his voice Jim seemed to respond to.

Then Spock once more grabbed Jim’s wrist and pulled him through the apartment and to the bathroom attached to Spock’s bedroom. He picked up a fluffy blue towel and a pristine white terrycloth robe and thrust them at Jim.

“Put this on and I will take your clothes to the dryer. I will make you some hot tea as well.”

Jim nodded rather automatically. “Um. Sorry. For being late I mean.”

“It is of no consequence. It was fortuitous actually as my prior engagement lasted longer than I had anticipated.”

Jim almost mentioned Uhura but decided not to. After all in the scheme of things, no matter how Jim felt about it, Spock was under no obligation to see him exclusively. That hadn’t been part of their agreement. He yanked off his shirt and handed it to a waiting Spock. Then he shimmied out of his red cadet pants.

“Perhaps you should look into trousers that fit,” Spock said in a flat voice. “The briefs and socks as well.”

“These fit me,” Jim said, confused. Spock took the pants and Jim leaned over to take his socks off first.

“They are tighter than is generally acceptable.”

“Nah. I think they’re made to look like that.” He bit his lip. “Can you-I don’t know-maybe turn around.”

Spock quirked an eyebrow at him. “Jim, we have been intimate on more than one occasion, I am well aware of what your nude body looks like.”

Jim knew it was foolish to feel so vulnerable in front of the Vulcan but he did. He shrugged anyway. “Okay, fine.”

He pulled off his briefs and grabbed up the robe, pulling it on as he let the briefs fall to the floor. Then he started rubbing his hair with the towel. Though he wasn’t looking directly at Spock just then, he suspected Spock was giving him his best ‘illogical human’ look.

When he turned back around, Spock was gone. After he had his hair mostly dried, Jim made his way back to Spock’s living room. The Vulcan was in the kitchen.

“You don’t have to go to any trouble,” Jim said hurriedly.

“Making tea is not trouble.”

Jim wasn’t sure what to say to that so he said nothing and came closer to the kitchen.

“Warming up?” Spock murmured.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Do you not own an umbrella?”

“I think there’s one around the dorm somewhere,” Jim said, taking a seat on a bar stool next to the kitchen counter. “I didn’t pick it up.”

“Obviously. Nor a coat.”

“Yeah.” He figured it would be foolish to admit to Spock he was so eager to get there, he didn’t really think about weather gear.

Spock shook his head. “You need a keeper.” He turned away then and went into a cabinet from where he removed two very dainty looking teacups. He poured the tea into them from a teapot shaped like some ancient animal Jim wasn’t sure he recognized.

Jim decided not to respond to the keeper remark as he didn’t want to read too much into it. After all it wasn’t as though Spock was volunteering for the duty.

Jim felt silly with his big hands holding a fragile teacup. His luck would be he’d drop it, smash it to pieces, and Spock would inform him that the cup had come from some thousand years past Vulcan grandmother.

Nevertheless, he took a sip, wincing.

“Not to your liking?” Spock was watching him very carefully.

“No, it’s not that. Just really hot.”

Spock’s lips quirked very slightly. “Hot tea should be of a high temperature.”

“Yes.” Jim blushed. “I know.”

He felt suddenly so out of his element as to be very embarrassed. Jim knew sex. He knew flirting for sex. But he didn’t know love. He didn’t know affectionate flirting. And he didn’t know how to hold a teacup like your dining with a monarch or any of that kind of etiquette stuff.

“Are you in need of nourishment?”

“Huh?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Oh. Yeah. Nourishment.”

“I can make something.”

“No. No. I mean I’m not. No need for that. Really. That’s way too much trouble.” Jim put down the teacup. “And I’m ready.”

“Ready?”

Jim nodded. “For, you know, sexual activity.”

And maybe he was rushing things. Pushing it. But he had a desperate need to feel Spock, to touch him, taste him, have him lay across him, hold him down, move on him, in him. Everything.

And sex he knew. He wouldn’t look like a damn babbling idiot in front of Spock if he could just move this into the bedroom where he belonged.

For a moment he feared Spock wasn’t going to respond. Or that he had invited Jim over to end their association after all. And Jim’s heart began to hammer so hard he was sure Spock would see the way he had begun to absolutely panic.

Spock put his own cup down and came around the bar counter to where Jim sat. He said nothing, merely took hold of both of Jim’s hands taking him off the chair. He pulled Jim toward the bedroom and Jim felt like he could breathe again. It would be all right.

As soon as they crossed the threshold of Spock’s bedroom he framed Jim’s face with his hands and began to kiss Jim slow and almost unbearably sweet. Jim’s heart still hammered loud in his ears.

Spock moved his left thumb to the hollow of Jim’s cheek. “Is there something new you would like to teach me or may we engage in mutually beneficial intercourse?”

Normally he would have laughed or something but he couldn’t find it in him to find anything about this even remotely funny. His throat felt time, his stomach fluttered and his heart was practically bursting.

“Let’s just…” The words ‘make love’ got caught in his throat and wouldn’t come out. His face heated like he was blushing again. He swallowed. “Intercourse sounds good.”

Spock’s hands moved from Jim’s face to the shoulders of the robe he wore. He was looking at Jim with a singular intensity Jim had never experienced. Sex had always been fun and casual. Before Spock. Now everything was so passionate, ardent.

Jim was aware of the tremor of his own body as Spock lowered the terrycloth robe down his shoulders and then his arms. He’d been the one teaching Spock and yet just then he felt as though he was learning.

About romance. About sensuality. About seduction.

The robe dropped to the floor in a whoosh.

Spock didn’t immediately reach for his own clothes, but instead continued to caress Jim’s arms, gently sliding across his biceps and then down to his forearms and back again. His gaze never moved from Jim’s face, Jim’s eyes. Jim felt incredibly vulnerable and he wanted to look away but somehow he could not. It was as though Spock’s gaze captured his and held it there.

Part of Jim wanted to shout that enough with the delays. They should just get down and dirty. Like they were supposed to. But there was this other part who felt…cherished.

Spock lifted his left hand once more to Jim’s face, his fingers curling around Jim’s jaw. Jim’s breath hitched. Spock tilted his head and leaned in to cover Jim’s lips in the sweetest kiss Jim had ever had. Desire pooled in his stomach. He closed his eyes, unable to bear those dark eyes looking into his soul one moment longer.

He felt the tentative touch of Spock’s tongue on his bottom lip and on a moan, Jim parted his lips to allow Spock’s tongue entry.

He wanted to make the joke, “Who’s teaching who here?” But it fell flat in his head. Instead, he looped his arm around Spock’s neck and pressed closer.

When Spock let out a shaky breath of his own, Jim knew he really was lost.

Their kiss ended and Jim pulled back enough to look into Spock’s eyes.

“God, Spock,” he whispered.

Spock’s only answer was to trace Jim’s cheek with his thumb.

He stepped back and reached for the hem of the charcoal gray sweater he wore.  Off it came over his head.

Jim moistened his lips.

“Lay down,” Spock whispered. “On your stomach.”

Jim obeyed instantly, he wasn’t even sure why. Maybe because his knees felt weak and he had to lay down anyway.

He closed his eyes and lay stretched out on Spock’s super soft dovetail gray sheets. Spock had already removed the burgundy comforter.

Only a few minutes later Spock joined him on the bed, kneeling beside him, and then hovering over Jim’s back, placing kisses all along Jim’s spine. He groaned and grabbed onto the sheets. When Spock’s tongue trailed across Jim’s lower back, just above his buttocks, Jim thought he might die.

Spock’s hand landed on Jim’s right cheek then, squeezing. This time one lubed finger slowly pressed into him, the burn, the stretch barely there as Spock’s finger probed him.

“Mm.”

The finger stopped.

“All right, Jim?”

“Perfect.” He wiggled his ass to tell Spock he could continue.

In response, Spock added a second digit, pushing them deep within him. For several minutes Spock seemed content to simply play with Jim this way and who was Jim to complain? But while Spock played with his ass, Jim slipped a hand underneath him to close around his aching, pulsing cock, which definitely demanded his attention. 

Then when Jim was getting ready to beg Spock to get on with fucking him, the fingers slipped out from him and Spock straightened to place himself directly behind Jim and between his legs.

The first time Spock had entered him, it had been a surprise how big around Spock’s cock was, and this time as Spock pushed inside him again, Jim had the same experience. He released a held breath and pushed back, spreading himself open for full penetration.

Spock whispered an unintelligible word that Jim suspected might be Vulcan as he continued to press forward, deeper, deeper.

Jim’s dick jumped in his grip, apparently in appreciation for how Spock was filling him up.

“Spock,” he groaned out.

Now completely imbedded in him, Spock began to move, pistoning again and again against Jim’s prostate. With each powerful thrust there was an answering moan from both of them. The air was fraught with electricity, the silence in the room broken by their panted cries.

Jim thrust back against Spock urgently, head bend back, as Spock’s teeth sunk into the nape of his neck. His cock could take no more stimulation and with a mewling cry, he released his cum, milking the shaft as ribbons shot out over Spock’s amazing sheets.

Inside him, he felt Spock speed up his thrusts until he was frantically pounding out his release in Jim’s ass.

He collapsed on the bed, in the mess, but somehow he couldn’t even care. He expected to feel the weight of the Vulcan above him crushing him any moment, but instead, Spock slipped gracefully off and to the side of him. He smiled a little at Spock’s consideration.

Eventually, they’d need to move, to clean up, Jim would need to leave. But for now, he lay there content to listen to Spock breathe.


	6. Paranoia

Jim was not at all sleepy but he was hungry. He stopped outside the twenty-four hour diner that was conveniently located between Spock’s apartment and the academy dorms. The rain had changed to just a drizzle.

He pulled out his PADD and texted.

_I know it’s late. But want to meet me @ Henri’s? Starving._

He only had a moment to wait, for which he was glad.

_Yeah, okay. Be there in a few. Order me a coffee._

Jim smiled and went into the diner for a table for two.

Bones arrived only ten minutes later. Jim was impressed.

“Hey.”

Bones slid into the booth. “Hey yourself.” He reached for the coffee. “This Susannah chick is pretty strange huh?”

“Why do you say that?”

“You never stay over. It’s two o’clock in the morning and you’re getting food. You obviously don’t eat with her.” Bones frowned. “She’s not somebody’s wife, is she?”

“No. Nothing like that.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Jim smiled at the waitress who came to take their order. "“I’m starved." 

And he was. But he couldn’t help but wish he was still bundled up in Spock’s bed in super soft sheets under a burgundy comforter.

“Pancakes, please. Two orders.”

“Just coffee, thanks,” Bones said.

Bones was looking at him with far too of an assessing gaze. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

“Well.” Jim shrugged. “I’m trying out an experiment.”

“An experiment. Like in a lab?”

“Definitely not. It involves who I’ve been seeing.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “So, sexual experimentation. Really? I was pretty sure there was nothing you haven’t tried yet, Jim.”

“There isn’t.” Or he was pretty sure anyway. “No. I mean, my, um, lab partner, has no previous experience of that, er, nature.”

“Susannah’s a virgin?”

Jim thought about that. “Not anymore, no.”

Bones snorted. “But she was? Well, so what, Jim? You’ve had virgins before I’m sure and that sort of experimentation seems pretty tame for you.”

Jim said nothing to that and instead picked up the coffee the waitress had brought him.

“Okay, so you’re sexually exploiting a virgin,” Bones said with the shake of his head. “Or former virgin.”

“I’m not exploiting anyone!”

“But you did seduce her.”

Jim sighed. “No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“Susannah isn’t a female.”

Bones frowned. “Weird name for a guy.”

Jim threw his napkin at his friend. “Obviously a name given to protect the innocent.”

“No longer innocent, you mean.”

“Why do I talk to you at two o’clock in the morning?”

“No idea,” Bones admitted. “All right, so you’re doing it with a guy. That’s hardly an experiment for you, Jim.”

“It’s an experiment for him, brainless. And yeah, I guess, I sort of kind of, maybe yeah, seduced him a little.”

“How many qualifiers did you just use?” Bones was entirely too amused.

“The thing is, Bones, it’s become something of an experiment for me now so I don’t know if I should break it off or continue or—”

“Run screaming into the night.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s the issue exactly?”

Jim drummed his fingers on the table and looked up gratefully when the waitress arrived with a huge plate of pancakes for him.

“Thank you so much.” He grinned at the waitress as she moved off after refilling their coffees.

“You’re going to eat all that?”

“I swear I haven’t eaten in days. I thought you’d be happy.”

“I am. And knowing you, you probably haven’t eaten in days. When was the last time you spoke with your eating disorder counselor?”

“I don’t know. Like a month or so. Can we skip the lecturey stuff?”

“That’s not a word.”

“Bones—”

Bones threw the napkin back at Jim. “Your issue?”

“I’ve, uh, grown just a little attached,” Jim muttered.

“What now?”

“I’m emotionally attached.”

“To Susannah.”

“Yeah.” Jim huffed.

“What’s Susannah’s actual name by the way?”

“Spfff.”

“What?”

Jim swallowed the bite of pancakes and looked away, feeling the heat in his cheeks. “Spock.”

“Goddamn Motherless Son of a—”

“Bones,” Jim said through gritted teeth. “You know I liked him. We went on a date for crying out loud.”

“Isn’t that the date where everything went wrong?”

“Well, yeah.”

“How did you get from he never wants to see you again to fucking him?” Bones asked incredulously.

“The experiment. I told him if he just tried having sex with me, he’d end up liking me.”

“And has he?”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t think so. I mean, yeah, he’s totally into the physical stuff. But, I, uh, I think he likes this other cadet. She was there last night before me.”

Bones grimaced. “So he’s two-timing you?”

“Not exactly. I mean we never said anything about exclusivity and I don’t think he’s gotten to that point with her…yet." Jim sighed and stabbed at his pancakes rather violently. “But I am sure it’s headed that way.”

“Have you, you know, asked him?”

“Asked him what?”

“If he now likes you. Is into you. Wants to date you. _Brainless_.”

Jim swallowed a bite of pancake. “Just ask him?”

Bones closed his eyes and muttered and then opened them to look at Jim. “Well, if the whole point of getting him to have sex with you was to get him to _like_ _you_ , and God, why do I feel like we’re in high school anyway, then why not just ask instead of sitting here crying into your pancakes."

Jim scowled. “I am not crying.”

Bones waved that away. “Just cut to the chase, Jim. Ask him. Say, ‘hey Spock, I know I tried to feed you meat and that I called you an asshole for programming the Kobayashi Maru, but—‘”

“I did _not_ call him an asshole.”

Bones smirked. “Didn’t you?”

“No,” Jim insisted.

“Because I seem to recall you telling me that he was the _Biggest Asshole_ for programming that test.”

“I said the guy who programmed the test was an asshole.”

“And that guy is Spock.”

“Well, but I didn’t know that. So technically I wasn’t intending to call Spock that, I just didn’t know.”

“I bet Spock sees it differently.”

“You’re a real help, Bones. Just the sort of cheerleader I need.”

“Finish your pancakes and let’s get out of here. I’d like to get at least _some_ sleep.”

****

When Jim woke later, close to ten in the morning, and having missed another class, he had a message which he read with his heart thundering hard in his chest.

_Jim, may I see you this afternoon?_

Of course it was Spock, though it wasn’t signed. And Jim had the absolute worse feeling that Spock planned to call off their experiment, because why else would he want to see Jim in the afternoon? Maybe he’d learned enough to know Jim just didn’t do it for him. Sure, Spock acted like Jim did, but…no one in their right mind would choose Jim for the long term. He knew that. And certainly not someone as spectacular as Spock.

But he forced himself to type out,

_Sure. At your apartment? Say three?_

It didn’t take long for the response.

_That is agreeable._

Agreeable. Yeah, right. It was anything but agreeable. He didn’t want to be dumped and he didn’t want to stop seeing Spock. _Ever_.

Forget that just last night while eating pancakes he had wondered if he ought to end things himself. He wouldn’t. He didn’t want to. But their agreement had been that if the other didn’t want to continue it, Spock being the other, Jim would have to agree.

They’d agreed on three months, which hadn’t passed yet, sure, but if Spock wanted to end things now so he could pursue someone else, Jim would let him. It was the fair thing to do.

He closed his eyes and decided to go back to sleep. Fuck his classes anyway.


	7. Extension

Jim found himself outside Spock’s apartment at a quarter to three. He had showered, even though he had briefly wondered if he should. He had showered after the diner, after the sex with Spock the night before, and even though Jim was uncertain if this was going to be the end of them, he showered again in the hope it wasn’t. He wanted to be ready for sex with Spock, if that would be the outcome. Even goodbye sex would be preferable. At least he could have Spock one last time.

He’d gotten messages on his PADD about missing his classes and giving him the makeup work he would need to do, and Jim would do it all, he would. After Spock. Right now, Spock was his priority.

Knowing he should probably wait for it to be three before he went up, Jim got into the lift and rode it up to Spock’s floor anyway. He stared at the door, even put his hands on the outside, like what? Like he was caressing Spock instead of some wood door?

“Jim?”

He jumped three feet and turned to face Spock, who had suddenly appeared next to him, holding what looked to be two bags of groceries.

“Oh.”

“You are early.”

“I…uh. Yeah. Sorry.”

“There is no need to apologize. Your early arrival is a pleasant surprise. I hope you were not waiting long.”

“No, just got here.”

Spock stepped forward and scanned his hand over a strip next to the door and then stepped forward into the room after the door opened. Jim followed him inside and closed the door as he did so.

He watched as Spock went straight to the kitchen and began to unload the bags. “Went shopping?”

Spock gave Jim a look that said ‘obviously’ but he replied, “I secured the ingredients to make dinner for us.”

Jim blinked. “Dinner?”

“Yes. Normally when we are engaging in…sexual experimentation—”

And God, why was that hot?

“We do not seem to find the time to eat. I chose to make a dish that was frequently served by my mother.”

“Oh.”

Spock’s gaze rested on Jim’s face. “Do you object?”

“No. No objection.”

Spock still wore his black professor’s uniform and damn if it didn’t make him irresistibly hot. There had to be something particularly perverted about him to be turned on by such things.

“Your Command Ethics professor mentioned to me today that you were not in the class.”

That startled Jim right out of his thoughts. “Er. Yeah? I didn’t go to any of my classes today.”

“Were you ill?”

“Not really. But why would she mention my absence to you?” Jim shook his head. “She doesn’t know about us, does she?”

“I made no specific acknowledgement of our arrangement,” Spock replied.

Which was not exactly an answer, anyway, but Jim wasn’t sure he really wanted to pursue that topic anyway.    

“It is not wise to skip your coursework.”

“I’m ahead in most of my classes and I already received makeup assignments for the sessions I skipped today,” Jim said with a shrug. “Rumors to the contrary notwithstanding, I rarely make a habit of skipping classes.”

“And today?”

Clearly Spock was not going to let this go.

“I just didn’t feel like it. No offense, Spock, but why the sudden interest in my academic career?”

“It is not sudden. I have followed your development. I just wished to ensure that our activities were not having any dire effects on your studies.”

“They aren’t. Okay? I have things under control.”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

Jim licked his lips. “Did you-was there something you wanted to talk with me about today or did you just want to see me?”

And part of him wanted to kick himself because if Spock did want to change things maybe he shouldn’t be reminding him of it. Except like Spock would forget anyway. Spock wasn’t acting like he wanted to dump Jim, though.

“There is,” Spock admitted. “But I would like to talk to you over dinner. If that is acceptable.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “Sure. But you know, it’s still kind of early for dinner, so maybe we could—”

“Participate in more sexual experimentation?”

Jim grinned. “Yeah. That’s just what I had in mind.” He went to Spock then, because he just couldn’t help it. Spock had this look about him at that moment, like he was mildly amused by Jim, and it was a really good look on him. A sexy look and well, Jim pretty much thought Spock was always sexier than any being had a right to be.

He tugged Spock to him, kissing him hard as he cupped Spock’s face. He let out a yelp of surprise when Spock lifted him off the floor and began to carry him toward the bedroom.

“God, I love your strength.”

“I am rather grateful for it at this time as well,” Spock murmured, as he returned his lips to Jim’s.

They’d reached the bedroom now and Jim had his legs wrapped around Spock as he worked on the buttons of Spock’s professor’s jacket. Spock shook his head.

“What? Spock?” His words were silenced by Spock’s tongue thrust into his mouth. Jim groaned into the kiss, clinging to Spock’s shoulders.

Then Spock pulled out of the kiss enough to yank his jacket and undershirt off right over his head. 

“Oh. Your way is much better.”

Jim fastened his lips to Spock’s again, drinking from them like he was dying of thirst. God, he loved the way Spock kissed.

He felt his shoes drop to the floor and then Spock was tugging at Jim’s T-Shirt. Jim paused long enough to wrench it from his body and then went right back to devouring Spock.

Eventually they were going to have to disconnect from each other in order to complete the act of removing their clothes, but Jim was loving the taste of Spock, the essence of him. He’d always liked kissing and was good at it, but Spock kissed like he meant it in a way no one ever had in the history of kissing, and okay, maybe the history of kissing Jim, whatever, and maybe it was all a fantasy in Jim’s head, and Spock didn’t kiss him in any way that was special, but Jim didn’t believe that. He knew it was special.

But he needed to breathe, damnit, so he tore his mouth away, panting and staring into the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen. His chest ached with the emotions that had seized him and wouldn’t let go.

“Bed,” Spock whispered.

Jim nodded.

He was laid gently on the bed, as though Spock thought he might break or something, and Spock’s long, elegant fingers undid the button on his jeans. Jim couldn’t take his eyes off him, even as Spock straightened to take Jim’s jeans and briefs off of him. He was having trouble calming his racing heart, and when Spock stepped back to remove his own pants and briefs, his heart raced even more. He rested his hand on his chest, where it beat as he waited for Spock to rejoin him on the bed.

Spock held a bottle of lube in his hand and Jim wasn’t even sure how that happened and he didn’t care at all. He just wanted to feel Spock everywhere.

“Lie on your back,” Jim commanded, taking the bottle from Spock’s fingers, and pressing Spock down into the mattress.

He leaned down to kiss the head of Spock’s cock, causing the Vulcan to arch and moan. He licked up and down the shaft then, enjoying the little desperate sounds Spock made.

“You like that, don’t you, baby?”

Another moan was his answer.

He sucked the tip into his mouth, swirling his tongue around as he did so. He didn’t take Spock’s shaft all the way in because he had other plans for that delicious cock, but he spent several long minutes working Spock into a near frenzy.

When he pulled off, Spock protested.

“I know, I know, babe. Hang on.”

He squirted out lube from the bottle and drenched Spock’s cock in it, all the while relishing the frantic look in those dark eyes.

Then he shoved his own lubed fingers up into his channel, sucking in a breath at the coolness and the sting of entry.

“ _Jim_.”

“Right now, babe.”

Jim straddled Spock, placing his legs on either side of the Vulcan as he lowered himself down, impaling himself on that eager straining shaft. Spock speared up into him and Jim yelled his pleasure. He fucked himself on Spock, slamming down over and over. Spock grasped onto Jim’s hips, a little painfully, but Jim didn’t care, as Jim rode him hard and fast.

Neither of them lasted long. Jim had barely grasped hold of himself before he was tossing his head back and crying out Spock’s name as he painted the Vulcan’s torso with his seed. Only a moment later, he felt the warm gush of Spock filling him up.

****

“This smells great,” Jim said quite a while later as Spock brought plates of his potato casserole to his dining room table.

“It is simple fare but one that both my father and myself found pleasing.” Spock sat at the table and watched as Jim tried the first bite.

“Yum. Okay, this is really good,” Jim declared, scooping up another bite.

“I am pleased you find it acceptable.”

“Acceptable? This is damn good. You can make this for me any time.” And for a moment, Jim almost had allowed himself to forget they weren’t really in a relationship. They were just _experimenting_. His enthusiasm waned, but he tried not to show it. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

Spock nodded. “As you are aware, we still have two months left of our experimentation.”

“Yeah.”

“Unfortunately, tomorrow I will begin a two week leave of absence from the Academy as I will be traveling to Vulcan.”

Jim put his fork down. “Vulcan?”

“My father is ill and my mother has requested my presence. Because of those two weeks, I would like to formally request an extension of our experimental time.”

“First, is your dad okay?”

“I believe he will make a full recovery. From my communications with them, this is more for my mother’s peace of mind than any real concern for my father’s ultimate health.”

Jim blew out a breath. “Good.”

To Jim’s surprise, Spock reached for his hand. Jim gave it to him.

“And your answer?”

“Of course, Spock. Absolutely.” Jim was almost stupidly glad Spock wasn’t canceling their arrangement. It sucked that Spock would be gone for two weeks, but then maybe Jim could use that time to get control of himself.

“There is one other requirement I wish to make.”

“Go ahead.”

“We have not discussed it before now, but I would like to make our time together exclusive. Since I did not bring it up prior, I understand that you may have—”

“Spock,” Jim interrupted. “I haven’t been with anyone else since we started this.”

Spock closed his mouth. “I see.”

Jim smiled.

“Nor have I.” Spock turned a little green at that.

Jim almost asked him about seeing Cadet Uhura at his apartment, but decided not to do so. Spock obviously wasn’t doing anything with her at this point. The Vulcan wouldn’t lie. So whatever was between him and Uhura was not his business.

And Jim realized that Spock had yet to let go of his hand, which seemed rather significant, though he was not sure why.

“So, you leave tomorrow, huh?”

“Affirmative, in the morning.” Spock hesitated. “Would you…never mind.”

“What, Spock? It’s okay, you can ask.”

He nodded. “Would you stay over tonight? I will understand if you decline.”

“I’m not declining,” Jim said, softly. “I’ll stay.”

Spock said nothing but he released Jim’s hand and picked up his fork to eat.

“Need a ride to the shuttle bay?”

“You have a hover car?”

“Nope. But I have a bike. I don’t use it very often but when I do it goes amazing speeds and—”

“I will take a cab.”

Jim grinned. “If you’re sure.”

“I am sure.”


	8. Smell

“I can pay for your hover cab ride back,” Spock informed Jim the next morning. Jim had come with him to the shuttle bay, which Spock had actually been pleased with, though he was not prepared to admit to the pleasure.

Jim waved this off. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I might even walk back.”

“It is nearly a ten mile walk.”

Jim smirked. “Nearly?”

“It is nine miles. In kilometers it is fourteen point four eight four one.”

“Uh, yeah.” Jim’s smirk turned into a genuine smile as he walked beside Spock up to the gate that would take him to the shuttle for Vulcan. “I have a lot of nervous energy. Normally I would have asked you to help me get rid of it but you had a shuttle to catch.”

“Perhaps if you had risen prior to five minutes before the time I was to depart my apartment, I could have assisted you.”

Jim laughed. “You can be very sassy, you know?”

“Vulcans are not sassy,” Spock insisted.

“You are.” They stopped at the point that Jim could not go beyond.

Spock found himself illogically wishing Jim could accompany him to Vulcan. Jim had classes, of course, they had not yet agreed fully to establish a real relationship, and it was not the best time to introduce a potential mate to his parents. He still desired it though.

A part of Spock was concerned that his absence would make it difficult to maintain monogamy as he requested. Spock, naturally, would not find it difficult considering he had maintained celibacy prior to Jim, but Jim was a human filled with an addicting amount of fiery passion. Spock knew from personal experience how difficult it was to resist Jim’s charm let alone the physical sexuality that exuded off the man.

Still of Jim could not be faithful for two weeks, then clearly he was not meant to be with Spock.

Jim sighed. “I guess this is goodbye. For now anyway.”

“Yes. I will return in two weeks.”

The smile returned. “I know. It’s going to be a long two weeks that’s for sure. I really hope your dad is going to be okay. And don’t worry about anything here. It’ll all be fine.”

Jim held out two fingers to Spock, who found himself meeting them with a strange sense of gratitude. Then Jim stepped back.

“Can you do me a favor and let me know when you’re there safe and sound? I know that’s probably not at all logical but I’d appreciate it just the same.”

Spock nodded. “Very well. Jim.”

“Yeah?”

“Please, take a hover cab back.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. You win. I’ll see you soon.”

He turned and walked through the gate that would take him to his shuttle. He didn’t look back. He wanted to.

****

“Can I buy you a drink?”

Jim glanced at the leering human he recognized from one of his classes. “No, thank you.”

The guy frowned. “Why not? Looks like you need another drink.”

“I don’t really, but even if I did, I’d just get it myself.” He smiled in apology. “I’m seeing someone, so thank you anyway.”

Bones watched as the guy slinked off. “What am I? Chopped liver?

“No, you just give off those het vibes.”

“Still a free drink.” Bones huffed. “So what’s with this seeing someone thing?”

“Spock, remember?”

“I thought that was an experimental thing. Do you actually consider yourself relatioshipped?”

Jim shrugged, thought about it. “Well, yeah, kind of.”

“Will wonders never cease.”

“Oh, come on. People grow. They meet the right person. Vulcan. Whatever.” Jim pushed his empty beer bottle away. “Anyway, you know this, kinda. I told you I was into him.”

“Experimentally. What happened to him wanting some female cadet?”

“I guess he doesn’t. Said they were just friends. He wants to be exclusive.”

“So all your dreams are coming true, are they?”

“Bones.”

“That explains the dreamy doey-eyed look you got when he messaged to say he made it to his destination.”

Jim slipped off the stool and waited for Bones to do the same. “Okay, yeah, sure.”

“Are you going to confess you’re undying love then?”

He pushed Bones’ shoulder. “Get real, would you?”

“What are you waiting for?”

“No one confesses their love over messaging for one and he’s kind of not here right now. Besides, we’re still in the experimental stage. Remember? At the end of the three months plus two weeks, Spock could say, ‘oh, this isn’t working for me, Jim, see ya’.”

Bones snorted. “More like ‘I have found the sex, while gratifying, to not be enough basis for a logical relationship’.”

Jim scowled. That was all too real and he didn’t like it. “Shut up.”

“Hey, I’m kidding, Jim. I really hope it works out with the hobgob…er Spock. You want to go back now?”

“Yeah, but, um.” Jim bit his lip. “I’m not going back with you.”

“What? Why?”

Jim felt himself blushing. “Um, Spock’s, kind of given me the okay to stay at his apartment and at first, you know I thought, nah, but I think—”

“Okay, okay, stop right there. No more mushy stuff. God, you really are in deep.” Bones rolled his eyes. “Have fun.”

Later, Jim let himself into Spock’s apartment and turned on the lights. When he got to the kitchen he found a hand scribbled note from Spock.

_Jim,_

_There is cream in the fridge for your coffee. Also, there are snacks for you also that I secured for you before you woke. This note will not matter if you do not come of course._

_Spock_

“God, you’re just…” He smiled and got out his PADD, sitting at the table with a box of cheese crackers he found Spock got for him.

_J: Hey, Spock. Hope you are doing well. I know I said I wasn’t sure I’d hang out at your apartment, but I decided to after all. I’m here now._

Jim hit send and munched on a couple of handfuls of crackers.

_S: Jim. It is pleasing to hear from you. I am gratified that you decided to stay at my apartment. I anticipated you would be out with Doctor McCoy for an extended amount of time, so it is something of a surprise that you are there at the moment._

_J: I just had a drink with Bones and then we were finished. Oh and we went for pizza. Still hungry though, so I am eating crackers. Thank you by the way._

_S: You are quite welcome. May I inquire as to why you changed your mind about making use of my apartment?_

_J: It smells…_

Oh hell. He didn’t want to say that, did he? He went to erase and hit send instead. 

“Fuck me.”

_S: It…smells? Jim. I do apologize. I regularly clean, I do not understand why it would have developed an unpleasant odor._

Jim laughed.

_J: God, you are so great. Spock, no, it doesn’t smell. I…_

_S: I do not understand then if you were not referring to a disturbing odor._

_J: I just meant, it smells like you. And I really wanted to…smell you._

Oh, God, he couldn’t believe he’d just typed that. That he admitted that. That was some serious shit and he was about to panic. Especially when the minutes ticked on and there was no response from Spock.

“Please say something. Please say something.”

Nothing.

He got up and started pacing. Went back and typed.

_J: Spock?_

_S: I apologize, Jim. Mother called for me. At the moment, I must end our conversation. Will you be available later?_

_J: Yeah, sure._

_S: Very well. Spock out_.

Jim tried to tell himself that Spock did not just come up with an excuse to get out of talking to him. After all, Jim knew people did that. When conversations became uncomfortable. Unwanted. Hell, he’d done it himself. No one had ever done it to him. And surely, Spock had not just done so.

Spock wouldn’t. Jim knew that. Really.

But doubts crept in…like poison and his thoughts turned bad.  


	9. Home

Spock was growing a little concerned by the time he boarded the shuttle to return to Earth and San Francisco. He had not been in contact with Jim in days. His father had been more ill than Spock had been led to believe and for a number of days the situation with his father had been grave. After a transfusion from Spock, Sarek was finally on the mend.

But it had meant communication with Jim was not always ideal and the few times he had tried to get in touch with Jim had been unsuccessful. Communication lines had been spotty at best and he never seemed to be able to reach Jim during the day. He had sent a message to Jim just before he’d departed indicating he would be returning that day.

The problem was Spock did not have an ordinary relationship with Jim. Though Spock would like to be able to call Jim…something…he did not know what term to use. He wanted to give up the continued pretense that they were still “experimenting”, a term he’d grown to find increasingly distasteful. Being with Jim went far beyond such trivialities and Spock knew, from skin contact with Jim, that Jim had deeper feelings for him as well.

Jim was, while not exactly delicate, a conundrum, for certain. Spock felt Jim’s affection for him but he also felt that Jim wasn’t exactly comfortable with it. The human had straight on anxiety over it, extreme trepidation. Spock had decided if he went about this the wrong way, Jim, as flighty as he was, would be gone, to use human terms, in a flash. An outcome he very much wished to avoid.

With that in mind he continued to allow Jim to imagine it was all experimentation between them. The very reason he had suggested an extension of their time period to allow Jim some comfort with it. But at this point, Spock really was ready to just tell Jim it was time to end the ‘experimental’ period and get on with it.

So to speak.

Given his last conversation with Jim on Vulcan, Spock really did not know what to expect from the human. He had advised his parents that he was in the early stages of a serious relationship with Jim. They were anxious, therefore, to meet him. Well, Mother was anxious. Father pretended not to be anxious, merely curious.

Spock had been unable to determine if Jim remained staying at Spock’s apartment. With admittance that it was illogical to feel this way, Spock hoped he was. He liked the idea of Jim in his personal space. Spock was not particularly jealous of those of Jim’s acquaintance, save for any Jim had a more intimate connection with, but he still found the idea of Jim lounging around in Spock’s apartment, even without Spock there, quite pleasant.

But since he had already acknowledged the flightiness of his human, Spock was unable to speculate as to whether he would find Jim there when he returned.

Perhaps his mind would be more at ease if he’d been able to maintain contact with Jim while on Vulcan. Jim had not even responded to his message that he was returning home.

Spock, who had been in a semi-meditative state, opened his eyes in surprise at the stray thought. When had he thought of his apartment in San Francisco as _home_? Ever since he had arrived there he had always referred to Vulcan as home. Always believed it would be for him.

And then he met Jim.

Everything changed.

Spock would be the first to admit that Jim had not made a very good impression on him during their first outing. He’d accepted the invitation to go out mostly out of curiosity. Jim was exceptionally good looking by any standards Spock could think of, but he also had something of a reputation, as relayed to him by his friend, Nyota, among others. Still he could not imagine what he had in common with the blond human, so he had accepted the invitation to find out. It had, of course, been rather a disaster, and Spock had not anticipated furthering contact with Jim afterward.

Yet, here he was. Returning to San Francisco, returning home, anticipation increasing the closer he got to seeing Jim.

When he stepped off the shuttle, he was already making plans to obtain a hover cab that would take him to his apartment where he would finally be able to learn if Jim was there or not. If he was there, they would have dinner, and…other things. If he was not, Spock would have to locate him.

So when he reached the end of the pathway, his steps faltered at seeing Jim standing there, waiting for him. The welcoming smile slipped a little from Jim’s face, though Spock knew not why.

Spock quickened his pace until he reached Jim. Impulsively, he held out his two fingers toward Jim, almost unaware he held his breath. And to his relief, the smile widened back to full welcoming brightness, and the tight band around Spock heart eased. Jim touched his fingers to Spock and it was almost too sensual, the contact.

He let out a shuddery breath and lowered his hand as he looked into eyes so blue that anything else just didn’t compare.

Jim’s hand hovered in the air for a moment later and then landed on Spock’s forearm. “How’s your dad?”

“Much improved,” Spock replied, easily. “There were complications I was not made aware of until my arrival, but he is recovering well now.”

“They probably didn’t want to worry you,” Jim guessed. He had moved very close to Spock and he still had his hand on Spock’s arm and he wasn’t about to do anything that would make Jim move away. “I’m sorry it was difficult, but glad he’s getting better.”

“Yes. It made communication with you rather troublesome and for that I apologize. It was not my intention.”

“Nah, it’s-it’s fine.” Jim licked his lips. “Honestly, I was afraid—”

“What?”

Jim shook his head. “I thought maybe I had done something wrong.”

“No.” Spock stared into his eyes, hoping to convey with his own eyes, if nothing else, just how much he missed Jim, how much he desired to be with him. That Jim had met his shuttle filled Spock with warmth that made him feel almost feverish. Nyota had recently accused him of being smitten with Jim. If only she knew how deeply he was affected.

“Spock.” Jim gave a throaty laugh. “You can’t look at me like that in public. Seriously.”

“Then I surmise we should make haste in going to my apartment.”

Jim started tugging on Spock’s arm. “On that we definitely agree.”

It took far too long to get a cab and make the trip across town. Jim had sat on the opposite side of Spock, rather squashed against the window, to maintain decorum, he’d admonished Spock when Spock had tried to sit closer. Spock missed the heat and affection radiating off of Jim.

They barely made it through the door before Jim was climbing Spock, kissing him like he had to kiss to live, and Spock was right there with him. He hoisted Jim up, his hands lifting him under his ass cheeks, as he carried him to the bedroom, dinner and everything else forgotten for the moment.


	10. A New Experiment

Jim woke up hungry. And it was no wonder.

He and Spock had gone at it for hours. Making up for lost time, that was for certain.

Spock still slept even now and Jim was reluctant to wake him. To Jim’s surprise there was a new vulnerability to Spock he had not noticed prior to Spock leaving for Vulcan. And during their love-making Spock had been almost unbearably intense. For a moment, Jim was overwhelmed. But it had also led to the most incredible sex of his life and that was saying something because ever since he’d begun this thing with Spock every time had been the best.

As he continued to stare at Spock, his lover, and yes, he could call Spock that, for sure, began to awaken. Little signs appearing as he became aware. A tiny frown, the furrow of his brow, the fluttering of his lashes. They’d awakened together, slept together, for the first time. And it felt…right.

“Jim?”

“Good morning, beautiful.”

“Jim.” Spock shook his head. “It is you who are beautiful.”

“I’ll fight you over it,” Jim teased.

“I have no desire to be at odds with you over anything,” Spock admitted, softly. “It is morning then?”

“Yeah, about seven or so.”

“I apologize.”

Jim frowned. “For what?”

“I intended to have dinner with you and that did not occur.”

He laughed. “No, it sure didn’t. And I’m starving now, I might add.” He leaned over Spock and placed a kiss on the Vulcan’s cheek. “Don’t want to scare you with my despicable breath.”

“Mine is of equal distaste.”

“Want to go out for breakfast or should we eat here? Um. I bought a few things. We can probably make do.”

“You stayed here then?”

He felt himself redden. “Well, I—”

“Jim, I wanted you to. This is pleasing to me.”

Jim grinned. “Only you would find it pleasing that I’m eating you out of house and home.”

“A peculiar saying. I will view the contents of the kitchen and if it is suitable I would prefer that we stay in for now. Later I can go to the store to obtain additional supplies.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“You may make use of the shower first and I will investigate how things stand.” Spock rose from the bed and headed into the bathroom. He only took a moment, obviously to see to personal needs, before emerging. “It is all yours.”

Before he got into the shower, Jim sent a brief message to Bones. Also known as his mother-hen. 

_FYI, I’m with Spock. He’s back. Things are really good. Don’t know when I’ll be home. Not in any hurry to leave. And I think he might not be in a hurry to get rid of me either._

He added a smiley face and hit send.

He probably took longer in the shower than he should have, but he made sure to wash everything very thoroughly, and it felt great to take a long hot shower, and when he emerged he was hit with the scents of coffee brewing and eggs cooking. He might even smell bread.

And it was so damn domesticated and weird that for like three seconds he got weirded out.  

“Stop it, Jim,” he said out loud. “This is good. Really good.”

He got dressed in loose fitting sweatpants he’d brought over with him when he’d been staying there without Spock and a sloppy gray t-shirt that he kept around just because it was soft. 

When he got out to the kitchen, Spock stood in the middle flipping over eggs in the pan. It occurred to Jim that he wasn’t even sure Spock ate eggs. It was him who’d bought them while Spock was visiting his parents.

“Your coffee is there, ashayam.”

“Thanks,” Jim said with a smile as he saw the mug Spock pointed out. It was made just the way he liked it too. “What does that mean?”

Spock looked at him in confusion.

“You said a word there at the end. Vulcan?”

Spock’s cheeks turned a bright shade of green and he looked away to concentrate on the eggs. “Sit there at the table. I will bring your food.”

When Jim did so and Spock still hadn’t provided an answer, Jim realized that Spock wasn’t going to respond. And Jim had a choice. Let it go or pursue it and make Spock uncomfortable, because obviously he didn’t want to say. So Jim let it go.

Spock put his plate of eggs before him and noticed he had also made potatoes and put on this weird flat looking bread stuff also on there. It smelled good.

“What’s this?”

“Kreyla. I brought it back from Vulcan,” Spock explained as he took the seat next to Jim. His plate only contained the potatoes and Kreyla and he had tea instead of coffee.

“You know you didn’t have to go to the trouble of making me eggs,” Jim said, even though he was happy to have them. “I could have made them.”

“It was not troublesome.”

“Mm. Well, all of this is really good. The Kreyla too. Thank you.”

“You are very welcome. Jim?”

“Yeah?”

Spock hesitated and seemed to take a deep breath. “Waking up together this morning was a very pleasing experience.”

He smiled. “I thought so too.”

Spock nodded. “I would like to ask you to share in the occupation of this apartment.”

Jim set his fork down with a clatter that made him wince. “What?”

The green in Spock’s cheeks were back, but he repeated, “I would like to ask you to share in the occupation of this apartment.”

He moistened his lips. “You mean…live here?”

“Yes.”

“With you?”

“Yes.”

Jim blinked. His stomach sank a little which was probably a weird reaction. But…if Spock was forced to live with Jim then he would know just what a freak Jim probably was and—

“As an experiment,” Spock said quickly.

“An experiment,” Jim repeated, trying out the word, the idea. After all, the experimentation of their relationship was Jim’s idea in the first place and it had, so far, worked out well. The weird sinking in his stomach went away. “Yes. An experiment.”

Spock paused for a seemingly long time. “Then you will move in?”

It was a big step for them. Experimental or not. But at least Spock would have an out if he needed one. If it occurred to Spock that Jim really was the loser Spock first thought he was then Spock could simply tell Jim the experiment had failed.

And Jim would pick up the pieces of his heart. Somehow.

But for now, Jim didn’t have to think about any of that. For now, it was good. Really good.

“Yeah. I will.”


	11. One Experiment Passed

“Are you sure about this, Jim?

Spock heard Leonard McCoy ask Jim this for the third time since they’d been working on moving his stuff to Spock’s apartment. Soon to be theirs.

He suspected that McCoy did not realize Spock could hear the question, for he was attempting to whisper, though Spock also suspected if McCoy knew Spock could hear, he wouldn’t care all that much.

McCoy had stopped Jim as Jim was about to carry another box of his stuff out of their shared place. Spock was in another room, reaching down to scoop up another box. He was surprised how many boxes Jim actually had.

The previous two times McCoy had asked Jim, Jim had laughed and said, “Bones, come on. Jeez.”

Spock wasn’t sure what that meant, actually.

This time he waited, expecting to hear the same laugh and words as before.

“Bones, how many times are you going to ask that?” Jim was whispering too, but Spock heard anyway. “I’ve already explained all this. We’re just…experimenting.”

“I know all about that experimental bullshit, Jim. But _living_ with him shouldn’t be an experiment. This is serious stuff. I don’t know anything about him and—”

Jim did laugh now. “Bones, Spock isn’t going to hurt me. He’s perfect. If anyone is gonna screw this up, it’s _me_. Relax, we’re fine.”

“Next month—”

“Is Christmas. I know.”

“I’m not going to be around during the break because I’m going back home but—”

“Bones, you do your little visit. Okay? Spock and I will be fine.”

“You aren’t going to Riverside?”

“Are you crazy? No. I’m going to spend it right here with my-my Vulcan.”

“You can call him your boyfriend, you know. You’ve passed the first experimental stage and are going to live together. I think it qualifies.”

Spock thought so too.

And he also decided they’d talked enough about him behind his back, in front of his face. He picked up the box and made enough noise to indicate he was coming as he approached them.

Jim smiled at him. “I think that’s the last one, finally.”

“What are in all these boxes?” Spock asked.

“Oh. Well. Mostly books. I mean some clothes. But yeah, books.” Jim got red for some reason, ducked his head, and kept walking out of the place, leaving Spock with a grumpy looking McCoy.

“Listen. I am glad we’re alone,” McCoy said.

“I am not.”

McCoy smirked. “I bet not. But I want to talk to you about Jim.”

Spock arched a brow but said nothing.

“I know you didn’t think much of Jim when you first met him. And maybe he doesn’t make a great first impression or maybe he was just nervous because he really likes you, but—”

“Doctor—”

“The point is he’s a great kid. And he feels very deeply. And hurts deeply too. And I don’t know what all this experimental crap is but—”

“I am not experimenting with him.”

“Jim seems to believe otherwise,” McCoy said bluntly.

“It eases his stress to believe that he can end things whenever he wants.”

“Or you can.”

Spock acknowledged this with a slight tilt of his head. “That eases his stress as well. It is not my intention, however.”

“Really?”

“You sound skeptical, doctor.”

“Jim’s known a lot of shitty people over the years, Spock. I’d rather you didn’t add to those he feels abandoned him.”

“You will have to trust me.” Spock shifted the box. “Jim is waiting.”

It was later, after McCoy had left after helping them move Jim’s things into the apartment, that Jim turned to him as he crouched down in the bedroom next to a box that contained his clothing.

“Did Bones bug you?”

“Bug?”

Jim sighed and then bit his lip. “Give you the stupid older brother ‘leave my little brother alone’ speech.”

“You are not brothers.”

“Not technically, no. But he’s as close to one I have these days. My family is…”

“Problematic.”

Jim nodded. “To say the least. Mom lost it when Dad was killed, I guess, and she’s trying, I guess, but, well, Sam, that _is_ my brother, never really did. Anyway, whatever. The point is, Bones is like a brother, so he thinks he has to gang up on you.”

“There was no gang.”

“Spock.”

Spock walked over to where Jim was still crouched and reached down to pull Jim to his feet. “He is concerned for you, obviously. I do not blame him for his caring for you.”

“Yeah?” Jim moistened his lips with his tongue. “So, you aren’t ready to run for the hills?”

He shook his head. “No.”

Jim smiled a little. “I was kind of waiting for you to say, ‘there are no hills around here’.”

“Indeed, there are not, but if there were, I would not be running to them. Nor even walking to them. I am satisfied with our emerging relationship.”

The smile widened. “I’m pretty satisfied too.”

Spock felt some relief at that. “May I ask why you do not intend to go to visit your mother during the winter break next month?”

The smile slipped. “You…well how did you know”

“I could not help but overhear some of your conversation with Doctor McCoy.”

“Oh. Spock, I—”

“There is no need to explain your conversation, Jim. And you are correct. We are going to be fine. I just wondered why you were not intending to go to Riverside since you did just mention that your mother appeared to be trying. A mere curiosity only.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “She’s not trying _that_ much. Besides, I kind of just wanted it to be, um, I don’t know. You and me. Un-unless you’re going back to Vulcan.”

“I am not. Since I just visited there during the crisis of my father’s health, I see no need to go during the break.” Spock paused. “But it is not my intention to keep you from your family.”

“You aren’t.”

“I offer to go with you, if you prefer.”

Jim burst out laughing. “I don’t. Prefer. And I don’t want to go there. Really. It’s way too soon. She’d make you nuts, and you really would go running for the hills.”

“Very well.” Spock exhaled and drew Jim closer to him. “Jim, I would like to declare our first experimental period, the three months, over.”

Jim met his gaze. “Okay.”

“I deem it…successful. I wish to know if you agree.”

“I’m here, aren’t I? Unpacking boxes?” The smile was back, and it was both sweet and a little taunting, but it was a very good look.

“Then the answer is, yes. We agree to continue after those three months.”

“Yes.”

Spock exhaled again. “I am relieved.”

“Babe, I wouldn’t have agreed to this whole thing if I didn’t want to continue after those three months, even with your requesting an extension, by the way. I never needed it.”

“Yet you are still…wary.”

“Uh-huh.”

Spock leaned his forehead against Jim’s. The touch of Jim’s bare skin soothed him. Spock knew not why, did not care, it just did. Part of him wondered what would have happened if he had stubbornly not given Jim that second chance. In the end, it did not matter. He wanted Jim. And someday, maybe, Jim would trust him enough to introduce him to his mother.

Jim drew back after a while. “Want to help me unpack?” he asked with a ready smile.

“Indeed.”


	12. Break

 

So far, so good, Jim thought, as he leaned forward to tie his ice skates. It was two days before Christmas and a few days into the winter break from the Academy. Bones had left the first day of the break and Jim had gone with him to the shuttlebay and had been forced to hear all about how Jim needed to be careful with this “here experimenting” as his friend had put it.

But it was going very well.

Jim had never spent a holiday season with a significant other. And despite growing up where it snowed, he had never been ice skating either.

He’d been surprised when Spock had suggested it. Spock, he’d found out, had been ice skating before, so it was no experiment for him, but Jim…yeah. Another experiment. Ice skating had never been on his bucket list and as he finished tying the laces of his skates and raised his gaze to watch the rink, he figured it wasn’t likely to be an experience he’d be eager to repeat. It looked damn painful to fall.

“Ready, Jim?”

He turned and smiled in Spock’s direction. The thing of it was, Jim had begun to get a little scared. He had begun to suspect Spock was trying a little too hard. And by that he meant that the days since they’d moved in together were absolutely perfect. Spock was perfect. He never raised his voice, was always agreeable to whatever Jim wanted, was an eager and generous lover, didn’t once look like he wanted to throttle Jim, hadn’t even given a hint of a disapproving frown. It was like, um, Jim didn’t know. A stepford Vulcan or something.

“Sure am.” He held onto the bench he’d been sitting on to leverage himself to his feet, eying the ice rink with not a little bit of trepidation.

“If you hold my hand, it will be easier,” Spock announced, holding his hand out toward Jim.

So, what could Jim do but give Spock his hand. Spock led them on to the rink and Jim tried not to wince at the auburn haired young woman, fairly close in age to Jim, who had just landed on her ass.

“You are anxious.”

“Er, yeah. I mean I’ve not done this.”

“I will not let you fall.”

Jim frowned. “Maybe you should.”

A slight furrow appeared between Spock’s brows and it was the first indication Jim had had for days that anything remotely bothered his…boyfriend. Up to that point Spock had been unerringly placid.

“I do not understand.”

Jim sighed. “Just, I don’t know, maybe it would be best to let me go and let the chips fall where they may.”

“Let you go.”

His voice was so flat that Jim hurried to explain. “Here. On the rink. Just let me skate on my own or fall flat on my butt.”

The furrow deepened. “Why would you wish to take the chance of falling?”

“I don’t know. To have the normal ice skating for the first time experience?”

“I did not fall my first time.”

Jim smiled. He couldn’t help it. Spock had sounded downright haughty. “When was that anyway? Because don’t tell me they had ice rinks on Vulcan.”

“Of course not. However, when I was small, there were a number of times Mother and I came to Earth. She took me ice skating on those occasions as we often arrived during Terran winter months.”

The image of a small child Spock ice skating with his mother was so damn cute Jim could hardly stand it.

“And your dad?”

Spock shook his head. “He did not wish for the experience. There were times he would stay on the sidelines and watch Mother and me.”

“That’s too bad. Spock, let go of my hand.”

Spock looked skeptical, but he acquiesced and released Jim’s hand, who immediately wobbled on the ice. Jim could see from Spock’s face, he was fighting not to seize hold of Jim’s hand again.

Jim grinned and deliberately scooted away, not very gracefully, from Spock so that it would be too far to catch him.

“Jim—”

“It’s okay, Spock. I want to do this on my own!”

“But Jim—”

“It’ll be fine. You’ll…ahh shit!” Jim crashed into a woman and her daughter, who looked to be about eight. They all landed in a pile. One of them started crying. Jim was just glad it wasn’t him.

****

“I can walk, Spock. You don’t have to carry me.”

“The emergency room doctor said you were to stay off your ankle for forty-eight hours.” Spock scanned his hand over the lock of their apartment. The door opened, and he carried Jim inside.

Jim sighed. “God, that was embarrassing.”

“Fortunately, you were the only one seriously injured.”

“A sprained ankle is not serious, Spock. All he did was put a bandage on. Wouldn’t even use a regenerator on it.”

“I did question his credentials.” Spock slowly lowered Jim onto the sofa.

“Repeatedly. I think he was ready to slug you at the end.” Jim smiled. Spock leaned down to kiss his forehead.

“Tea, coffee or hot cocoa?”

“Cocoa with marshmallows, please.”

“Regular or mini?”

“Mini.” Jim bit his lip as Spock moved away toward the kitchen. Since Spock did not celebrate Christmas, and Jim wasn’t really sure if he wanted to or not, formally anyway, he’d chosen not to have a tree. But he had a wreath on their door and some garlands made of pine with red ribbons on various parts of the apartment. It was understated festive.

Only a moment later, Spock returned with his Cocoa, heaping with mini marshmallows. He handed it to Jim and then sat beside him.

“I apologize if you did not enjoy the experience of ice skating.”

“Well.” Jim sipped the cocoa. “I’d barely got started. I don’t know. I guess you were right, and I should have just let you help me. Did you mama help you?”

“The first time, yes. Afterward, I was able to experiment on my own.”

There was that word again, Jim thought.

“You never attempted such an activity as a child?”

“Are you kidding? Mom was off planet most of the time and Frank, well, he was all about chores and studying and more chores. He thought anything like that was a stupid waste of time.” Jim looked around the apartment. “The holidays too. Pretty much we were the only family in the area that didn’t really celebrate or do anything.”

“I am sorry.”

Jim smiled a little. Took another sip of cocoa. “It’s fine. I mean it’s all over now, anyway. And now here I am with you. But that’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Spock arched a brow but said nothing.

“You can be yourself, okay?”

“You do not think I have been?”

Jim shrugged. “It’s just okay to say, ‘hey Jim, you’re being stupid’ or—”

“It is never all right to call you stupid.”

“Not that I _am_ stupid just that I’m acting that way. Or it’s all right to get mad at me or be irritated with me.”

“Vulcans do not get irritated.”

“Well, if _you_ did, it would be okay to show it. I’m not that fragile, is what I’m trying to say.”

Spock nodded. “I understand.”

“And in case I haven’t made it clear, this has been the best time I’ve had in a really, really long time.” He reached for Spock’s hand and curled his fingers around Spock’s palm. “Thank you.”

“Then the experiment of our living together has gone well?”

“Definitely. From my point of view anyway.”

“And mine too.” Spock leaned over and kissed Jim.

Jim watched amused when Spock licked his lip. “Chocolate?”

Spock nodded. “I did get a taste.”

Jim took a drink. “Kiss me again.”

Spock did and it wasn’t long before Spock carried Jim to their bedroom.

 


	13. New Year, New Couple

“Ah, this is the life,” Jim announced as he took a rather large swallow from a beer bottle. He was lounging on the sofa, a bowl of ‘snacks’, as he called them, in his lap.

Those were compromised of cheese crackers, cheese puffs, and cheese popcorn. Spock had discovered that Jim was quite fond of cheese, even in what could arguably be called artificial forms, as it seemed to be in what Jim consumed. 

Jim’s ankle had recovered from the ice skating misfortune, but now, on the first day of the New Year, he had developed something of a cold, as he explained to Spock. Next to him, instead of Spock, as Spock preferred, was a box of tissues Jim kept calling his ‘snot rags’.

Spock was of the opinion that beer and cheese snacks were not appropriate cold food, but Jim had insisted on the first day of the year he should be eating and drinking such questionable choices.

He had also covered Jim in a rather large, plush blanket that Jim had acquired from Spock a week ago on Christmas. Jim had gone on and on about how they weren’t supposed to be exchanging presents, but Spock could also tell that Jim had been quite pleased with the gift.

“I presume you refer to being waited on by me and having what you desire to eat rather than having a cold,” Spock responded to Jim’s illogical statement.

“Er. Yeah. Sorry. I mean, honestly, babe, you don’t have to take care of me and wait on me and stuff. I can get up and get my own things.”

He’d turned red as he spoke, although Spock suspected it would be more accurate to say redder as his constant blowing of his nose with the tissue, and stuffing them up his nostrils at times to stop the flow, had caused most of his face to turn a rather alarming shade of red, which Jim had assured Spock was normal.

“I am not protesting,” Spock replied, as he sat in the chair beside the sofa Jim had taken up with his body, legs, blanket, and snacks. Spock had poured himself a cup of the smoky tea Jim had presented him with the day after Christmas when he had insisted it was not fair for Spock’s gift giving to remain unreciprocated.

“I know, but it can’t be fun for you having to play nursemaid to me ever since the winter break started. First the ankle, now the cold. Hmm, maybe I have munchiesauson.”

“Munchausen,” he said, absently, as he took a sip of tea.

“Yeah, that.”

“Do you?” Spock arched a brow.

“Nah. I just have bad luck. I got the ankle because I’m a clumsy ox.”

Spock frowned.

“And I got the cold because I was frozen and wet and in an ER full of germy patients.”

“You are not particularly clumsy.”

Jim waved his hand at that. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m used to it.”

“But you are not—”

“Anyway, the point is, you’ve been great through all my ailments. I’m sure when you invited me to move in with you, you had no clue what you’d have to put up with.”

It was far from the first time Jim had made such self-deprecating remarks. In fact, Spock had come to realize Jim had a very fatalistic attitude about himself and their relationship that was becoming rather…discomfiting.    

“Jim,” Spock interrupted him in a soft tone for Jim had continued on about what a burden he surely was and all kinds of negative things about himself. Spock had definitely had enough. “We need to talk.”

As soon as he saw the way Jim’s red color had become several shades lighter, Spock realized his word choice was ill-advised.

“All right.” Jim’s gaze had skittered away and he leaned forward to set his beer bottle down on the table beside him. He set aside his bowl of snacks too and wrapped the blanket tighter about him. His expression had gone blank.

Spock found himself torn between contrition and frustration. Perhaps something he would need to get used to with Jim.

“I am quite satisfied with our arrangement,” he decided to say first.

Jim blinked. “Huh?”

He internally sighed. “Jim, I have no intention of ending our…experimentation.” Spock was growing to hate that term.

“No? But I thought…wasn’t that what you wanted to talk about?”

“No, ashaya. Jim, the first time we went out, I accepted because I was very much attracted and interested in you.”

“But—”

“It is true that our date was not successful and I had anticipated that we would not be pursuing a relationship after all.”

Jim nodded, clutching the blanket in his fists.

“But I agreed to the offer of experimental sexual relations between us because I was still very much attracted and interested in you. And since that arrangement was begun I have discovered that we are much more compatible as companions than I had originally believed.”

“Um…okay. What does all that mean?”

“I just wish to express my dissatisfaction with the continual negative way you speak of yourself. I do not find caring for you burdensome. I do not believe you are injuring yourself or making yourself sick in order to gain my favor or attention. I do not think you are unlucky or clumsy or whatever else you have conveyed about yourself in an effort to self-denigrate.”

For more time than Spock had expected, Jim stared at Spock, his expression remaining blank. Spock began to worry that everything he had just said had had no impact at all on Jim. But then slowly Jim smiled.

“So, you would say then, Spock, that you _are_ in fact experiencing irritation?”

It was Spock’s turn to stare, but then he nodded. “Yes.”

“Woot!” Jim yelped. “I knew it.”

“You are pleased that I am irritated?”

“Yes. _That_ I can work with. And as for the rest, all right, I will _try_ to reign in my own self-doubt. An experiment, if you will.”

Spock narrowed his eyes. “While we are on the subject, I detest that term.”

“You do?”

“Surely we are beyond such matters.”

“Well.” Jim reached for his bowl of snacks and stuffed several cheese crackers in at once, chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed before saying, “I thought you’d love all that experimentation and hypothesis stuff, being a scientist and all.”

“Not so much.”

“What are we supposed to call it?”

Spock leaned back in the chair observing the tightly wrapped Jim, blanket covering every part of him except his head, mouth covered in crumbs from the cheese crackers. “It is a new year, Jim. Perhaps we can refer to it as a…relationship.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Between us?”

Spock nodded.

“A…”

“Relationship. Yes. A romantic relationship.”

“Are you sure?”

Spock sighed out loud then which only caused Jim’s smile to return. He was an unusual human, to be sure.

“Okay, Spock. Then we’re in a romantic relationship.”

“Excellent.” He stood, scooped up the bowl out of Jim’s hands, picked up the bottle and headed for the kitchen.

“Hey!”

“Soup and tea,” Spock announced.

“Fine,” Jim grumbled. “Are all Vulcans this bossy when they’re in a relationship?”

“Very much so.” Spock returned with an ear thermometer. He took Jim’s temperature. “You have a fever.”

“Do not.”

Spock showed it to him. “Do too. Back to bed.”

“Only if you’ll join me.”

“Jim.”

“Okay, okay. Sheesh. What a way to start the New Year. Sick. And newly relationshipped.”

Spock did not correct him, but yes, they had been in a relationship for months now.


	14. What's in a Name?

Jim opened the door to Uhura. She showed no surprise so Spock must have guessed Spock had told her about him living there now. “Uh. Hi. Spock’s not home.”

Uhura frowned. “He told me to meet him here.”

Jim stood aside to let her in. “Yeah. I mean, he just went to get something for me. Come in.”

He had the blanket wrapped around himself from head to toe and he was still freezing. He imagined he looked like absolute hell too.

“You don’t look so good, Kirk,” Uhura said, confirming Jim’s suspicions.

He closed the door. “Yeah. I guess Spock says I have a fever. Anyway, he messaged Bones and he prescribed something for me, so Spock went to get it.”

“Bones?”

“My friend. Leonard McCoy. He’s a doctor.” Jim gestured to the living room furniture. “Have a seat. I’m sure he’ll be back in a minute.”

She nodded and went to a chair. “I didn’t mean to make you get out of bed to answer the door. Spock told me you were sick.”

“It’s okay. I needed some water anyway.” He perched himself on an arm of a chair fairly far from her location so he didn’t get her sick. “Is this weird for you?"

“Weird? How?”

He shrugged. “Um. Me and Spock?”

She smiled and shook her head. “We’re not like that.”

“No?”

She rolled her eyes. “Kirk. Do you honestly think if Spock and I had some sort of involvement like that he would have gone out with you that first time?”

Jim felt himself blushing. “He-he told you about that?”

“We’re friends, so friends talk. He told me it hadn’t gone as he’d hoped, so he didn’t think he’d be seeing you again, but then he decided to give you another chance.” She smiled. “And here you are.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t tell him to tell me to get lost.” Jim was only half kidding.

“I don’t have anything against you, Kirk. That night in Riverside got out of hand for all of us.”

They both turned toward the door when it opened and Spock stepped into the apartment. His gaze went immediately to Jim.

“Ashayam, I told you to stay in bed.”

“It’s my fault, Spock,” Uhura spoke up, drawing Spock’s attention. “I’m a little early. Sorry.”

“I am glad you were able to come here,” Spock replied, carrying a bag over to Jim. “With Jim ill, I did not feel comfortable meeting elsewhere.”

“I’d be fine,” Jim grumbled, but predictably Spock ignored him.

“If you will give us a moment, I will see Jim settled with his medicine and back to bed and then we can have our lunch.”

“Yeah, take your time. I have nowhere to be.” She eyed them. “So what are you calling each other these days?”

“Spock.”

“Jim.”

Uhura gazed heavenward. “Obviously. I mean, you know, how do you introduce each other to, well, other people you know.”

“Spock.”

“Jim.”

“You two are hopeless.”

Jim thought about it as he took the glass of water and pill Spock handed him. “Significant other.”

“Boyfriend,” Spock said at the same time.

Jim frowned. “Boyfriend.”

“Significant other,” came out of Spock.

Uhura laughed into her hand. “I see.”

Jim scowled at the pill and then stuck it in his mouth and swallowed water. “Ugh, that’s nasty.”

“It is medicine. It is not supposed to be appealing,” Spock declared. He pulled out the ear thing he seemed to carry everywhere with him and put it to Jim’s ear. Spock ignored his flinch. “Your fever has risen again.”

“What is it now?”

“One hundred and two. If it does not make improvement soon I will have no choice but to bring you to the hospital.”

“I’m not dying or anything.”

Spock took his arm and led him toward there room. “I will be right back, Nyota.”

“You could have gone somewhere for lunch with her, you know,” Jim told him as Spock pushed him toward the bed. “I’m not helpless, really. And I don’t need to be treated like a child.”

“I am well aware of your age.” Spock tucked the covers around Jim and then added another blanket when he saw Jim shiver. “And your stubborn refusal to take your illness seriously. Jim, I am concerned. You are not getting better. In fact, you seem to be getting worse.”

Jim softened. “I’ll be okay, Spock. It’s just a bad cold. Or at the worst, the flu.”

“Humans die of the flu.”

Jim smiled and reached for Spock’s hand. “I’m _not_ dying, babe. I swear.”

“Perhaps I should not have invited Nyota here. I can send her—

“Spock, no. Go ahead and have your lunch. It’s all good. I’m going to finish my water and go to sleep. Hopefully when I wake up, my fever will be a bit better with the medicine Bones prescribed. It’s more than enough that you want to be here in the apartment with me.”

Spock nodded, his dark eyes looking so serious. “I know that I am being likely ridiculous. It is just that I have never had a—”

“Boyfriend.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Significant other before. I do not know how Mother handled Father’s illness as calmly as she did.”

“Probably years of practice. Experimentation even.” Jim’s smile widened.

“You are incorrigible.” Spock’s cool fingers touched Jim’s forehead. “You are still too warm for my liking.”

“Spock.”

“Very well, T’hy’la, I will leave you to sleep and check on you later.”

Jim waited until Spock had left their room before he reached for the PADD he had left beside his bed. He had found an obscure site that listed the translations of Vulcan words way back when he and Spock had first begun “experimenting”.

T’hy’la was a new one.

It took a bit of time, mostly because it took him a while to figure out how it might be spelled, but Jim found it.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Jim set his PADD aside quickly. Clearly he was delirious and did not read the words right. He swallowed heavily. Reached for his water and finished it. Scooted down among his covers and lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

Him? Some kind of fated mate? Spock must not know what the word meant, is all. He thought it just a normal endearment like ashayam, Jim guessed. After all it did say the term was obscure and from Old Vulcan or something.

After a bit, Jim felt his eyes getting heavy. He dreamed Spock was a long haired growly Vulcan who kept telling all the other growly Vulcans that Jim belonged to him.


	15. Too Soon

After a lunch of salad and Kreyla, Spock and Nyota spend another two hours talking about ordinary things plus she had wanted his help on a project she had taken on at the Academy.   

It had decided to pour rain while they were having lunch, so Spock had walked Nyota out to the street and made sure she was well on her way to being safely home. He was a little wet and cold himself when he finally returned to the apartment, but before he got into the bathroom to warm up with a hot shower, he checked on Jim.

It was the second time he had checked on Jim since he’d made sure to tuck him into bed when Nyota had first arrived. Earlier, he’d checked after lunch and before assisting Nyota. Jim had been sleeping, albeit quite restlessly. He’d been tempted to take Jim’s temperature but refrained for fear of waking him.

But now, Spock gazed down at Jim, still sleeping, only his head showing under the covers. His lips were parted, a tiny bit of drool appearing from him mouth to his chin. The pillow had a wet spot too. His skin was flushed pink, so it has lightened from the earlier red. He kept mumbling something about possessive Vulcans, which Spock was unable to deny as the truth.

A few months ago if someone had told Spock he’d be in a very serious relationship with a human cadet, he would have considered their sanity in question. Yet, here he was. Acting rather…illogical.

His father would not approve.

But then again, when did his father approve?

Only when Spock acted like him.

Spock continued to let Jim sleep and went instead to the bathroom to take his shower. He lingered under the hot water longer than was his normal practice and when he came out, he dressed in one of his sleeping robes since with the rain and Jim’s illness, there was no reason for him to go out again. They were still on winter break from the Academy and would be for another two days.

He immediately turned to observe Jim sleeping again and this time he simply could not resist checking Jim’s temperature. He picked up his ear thermometer and checked Jim as gently and quickly as he could.

Spock allowed himself a tiny relieved sigh as he noted that Jim’s temperature had dropped within normal range for humans.

Predictably, though, as Spock had found Jim was a very light sleeper for the most part, Jim’s eyelids began to flutter at Spock’s touch. And then a blue sliver appeared just before Jim opened his eyes entirely to stare up at Spock.

Out came the tongue to moisten his lips. “Hey.”

Spock sat on the bed next to Jim. “I apologize for waking you, Jim.”

“Did you?”

Spock nodded. “Taking your temperature. I am pleased to announce your fever is gone.”

Jim smiled. “Told you I’m not dying.”

“There is nothing remotely amusing about the prospect. Your color is better also.”

“Uhura go home?”

“She did. It is raining and I made sure that she would reach her apartment without trouble. She notified me after my shower that she was safely inside.”

Jim’s smile widened. “You’re so cute.”

Spock arched a brow at that.

“I mean you care so much about your friends. I don’t know anyone else who would care that much.”

“I am sure you are wrong.”

“I’m not,” Jim assured him. His blue eyes got warmer. “And you look downright cuddly in that robe.”

“I am certain no one has ever referred to me as cuddly,” Spock said, primly.

Jim laughed. It was a nice sound. It told Spock he really was feeling better. “Well, you are. And I love to cuddle with you.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“I will fix you some toast then.”

“In a moment.” Jim grabbed Spock’s hand when he moved to stand up. “I want to talk to you.”

Spock was aware the words were very much like words he had recently spoken to Jim where Jim had been afraid their meaning could not be good. Spock realized he understood the trepidation.

On the other hand, Jim, while looking serious, did not look troubled. He looked very soft and sweet.

“I dreamed you were this big, growly long-haired warrior Vulcan.”

That did surprise Spock. “You dreamed I was a Vulcan from pre-Surak days?”

Jim shrugged. “I guess so. I mean if that’s what it would be. It was after I looked up the term T’hy’la.”

Spock’s heart stuttered, but mostly from surprise that Jim’s pronunciation had been Vulcan perfect. “You…did?”

“Uh-huh. I look up Vulcan words all the time.”

“I did not know that.”

“I figured if I was going to experiment and all, I should really do it up right.” He squeezed Spock’s hand. “Spock, I have no idea if we’re T’hy’la or why you even think that, really, but there are a few things I think I should say.”

“Very well.”

“When I first asked you out, it was because you were really hot and I absolutely wanted to have sex with you.”

“Jim—”

“Please? Just let me say this. I’ve pretty much been practicing this in my head somewhere for weeks really. The thing is, if the date had gone well, and we’d had sex—”

“What makes you think if the date had gone well we would have had sex?” Spock asked.

“We would have, trust me. I don’t know for sure, but I think, knowing me, the me then, that would have probably been it.”

“Jim—”

“Spock,” Jim whispered. “I just…I want you to know that’s not something I was looking for. At all. A relationship. You were just a hot guy I was attracted to."

Spock started to feel a little sick himself. And not at all with the cold or flu. He pulled his hand out of Jim’s grasp and looked down to see he had now clenched his hands together in his lap.

“But when everything went so badly and you wanted nothing to do with me, well, you-you became something of a challenge. It’s the old hard to get thing. And that’s what motivated me to come to you with my experimental idea. I–I hate to lose. And I’m not at all proud of the way I started all this with you. You deserve better.”

“You are ending this.”

“Spock, no!”

Spock looked up, startled, when Jim had spoken so vehemently.

Jim looked suddenly miserable and Spock was certain he’d had a relapse.

“Jim, perhaps this is not the time to—”

“It is,” Jim insisted. “I just want you to know that if I coerced you in any way to this, well, I’m sorry.”

“Ashaya, as I have already explained, I am, and have been, very attracted to you. Though you are a student at the Academy, you are not my student. I checked that it was acceptable before I ever accepted your initial invitation for an outing. I am an adult male fully capable of taking care of myself and you are in no position of power over me nor am I in a position of power over you. There was no coercion.”

Jim sighed. “No?”

“No.”

“I know you don’t like that word, _experiment_ , not when it has anything to do with this, with us, but the truth is, all of this, what’s between us, _is_ one for me. And it’s damn serious. Okay? Really serious.”

Spock allowed himself to breathe. He nodded.

“But can we-can we hold off on the soulmates talk, at least for a-a little while? Because I’m seriously still floundering here, Spock.”

“It causes you to panic.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. A little.”

Spock studied his hands once more, and then looked up to meet Jim’s gaze. “That is a reasonable request.”

“It is?”

“Of course. It was not my intention to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.”

Spock stroked two fingers over Jim’s hand and then stood. “It is fine. No more talk of T’hy’la or soulmates. Or pre-Surak. I will make your toast now.”

“Spock—”

But Spock had walked out of the bedroom. Of course, Jim was right. He had made a mistake speaking of such things so early in their…experimentation.

He would not do so again.


	16. Two Steps Back

It didn’t take that long to make toast.

_Fuck._

Jim had screwed up bad. He knew that. Damn, he could be such an insensitive jerk sometimes. In trying to explain he was a little freaked, he’d managed to freak Spock out. Or something. Obviously.

And God, he still felt too miserable for all this.

“Jim, there’s a reason you don’t do relationships. Because you’re an idiot,” he muttered to himself. He struggled out of bed, dragging both a blanket and his PADD with him and went straight into the bathroom. Which meant he realized he had to pee. Not an easy thing to do clutching a blanket and a PADD. He placed both on the floor and did his business.

After washing up, he wrapped the blanket around him again and sat on the now closed toilet with his PADD. Relief filled him when he saw the craggy face of his best friend.

“Bones, thank God.”

“You’re worse!”

“No, I—”

“Didn’t that damn Vulcan get you the medicine I prescribed?”

“Bones—”

“Where is he? God, I can’t go anywhere without having to be—”

“Bones. _Shut up_.” Jim grit his teeth which made his whole face hurt. “I’m not worse. My fever is even gone.”

“Well.” Bones frowned. “You look like crap.”

“Compliments from you notwithstanding, I don’t have a lot of time and I really need you to shut up and listen.”

Bones nodded though he continued to look perturbed.

“I think I just failed a huge part of the experiment.”

Bones stared at him a moment and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “I should have a drink for this.”

“Bones.”

“I’m guessing you mean the experiment between you and Spock.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What happened?”

“He kind of called me his soulmate or the Vulcan equivalent, I guess, and you know me, I said that seemed really soon for that kind of talk, and he got super quiet and said he’d make toast but he never came back.”

“Jim, breathe.”

He took a breath. “And I don’t smell it.”

“Smell what?’

“ _Toast_. I think I made him rethink this whole experiment thing. Bones, how do I fix it?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Jim. It is soon for that kind of talk. This is your first real relationship and from what you’ve told me it is for him too. Jim, it’s normal to have a few romantic relationships before settling down.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think Vulcans go around experimenting with a bunch of relationships before settling on one they want to stick with.”

“Humans do.” Bones sighed. “Look, from what I know about Vulcans, they are bonded to other Vulcans as children.”

Jim frowned. “Wait. What? So you think he’s what? Got a prearranged marriage?”

“There’s no reason to think Spock would be any different than any other Vulcan.”

“Aren’t the days of arranged marriages a long ago thing?”

Bones shrugged. “Not with Vulcans, I guess. Look, I don’t know. Maybe you should ask him. But the point is, if he is, then he’s definitely engaged in an experiment with you that likely won’t lead to a long term commitment.”

Jim did not like the sound of that. He felt sicker suddenly and he pulled the blanket tighter around him. “But-but he said—”

“I don’t know, Jim. All kinds of things are said that aren’t really meant. I doubt that Spock _really_ meant that you’re his soulmate. I can’t imagine those logical Vulcans even believing in such a thing.”

“Well…I mean you’re not wrong.”

“What you said about not being ready for that kind of thing was fine, Jim. You’re right. It is way too soon, even if Spock isn’t bonded to another Vulcan. I don’t know what the endgame for you and Spock is, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with expressing that you want to take things a little slower than that.”

There was a soft tap on the door.

“Jim?”

“Hey, I have to go,” Jim whispered. “Uh, thanks, Bones.”

And he disconnected. Not at all sure if he ought to be grateful to Bones or not, because he certainly did not feel better.

“Be right out,” he called to Spock.

But when he came out of the bathroom, Spock was gone again. With a sigh, Jim trudged out to the living room to look for Spock.

Spock stood in the kitchen, fussing presumably, with Jim’s toast. Jim hoped he imagined the rigidness in Spock’s shoulders.

“Jim,” Spock said, when he’d noticed Jim. “You should be in bed. I will bring the toast to you there.”

“No. I think I’ll eat it at the table.” Jim bit his lip. “But I can get it myself. Really.”

“It is already made.” Spock brought the toast to the table along with one of his very delicate looking teacups.

Jim made it over to the table, almost tripping on the blanket and falling on his face, but the fact Spock made no comment about that made him realize that he was not wrong. Spock had definitely pulled back from him. And Jim felt quite depressed by that.

He sat down and stared down at the toast, feeling tears prick his eyes, which told him he was clearly still too ill to deal with this, just as he thought. Jim Kirk didn’t cry over anyone or anything. Not these days anyway.

“Spock, about T’hy’la—”

“Jim,” Spock interrupted. “You are reading too much into the word.”

Jim looked up startled. “I…am?”

Spock nodded. “My use of it was as an…endearment. Not in the literal sense.”

“Oh.”

“I apologize for not making that clear earlier when we spoke. I admit I was trying to process the intent of our talk, thinking you wished to end things, and I did not think to clarify matters.”

“Oh.”

Jim stuffed a piece of toast in his mouth mostly to stop himself from something incredibly embarrassing like letting himself cry in front of Spock. No way. No how. Never.

Spock was watching him very carefully, so he ducked his head and reached for the tea.

“If you are feeling well enough, I do have some work to do to in order to prepare for the new semester.”

Jim nodded. Swallowed the lump of toast that had settled into his throat. “Sure, sure. Do whatever you want. I don’t need a nursemaid.”

“That was not my intent.”

Jim smiled, waved his hand. “I’m probably just going to go back to bed anyway. Watching me sleep is no doubt the most boring thing around.”

Spock inclined his head. “Very well.”

Jim finished quickly then and headed back to his room, feeling even more sick and miserable when Spock didn’t bother to follow him in to the bedroom to tuck him in this time. He had a message from Bones.

_Everything okay?_

Jim typed, _Fine. I just misunderstood. Everything is okay. Don’t worry. Can’t wait for you to get back home._

He crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to his neck. He was mad at himself when the tears started to flow down his face. What the fuck was wrong with him anyway? _He_ was the one who didn’t want to deal with the whole soulmates talk. He had no right to be upset. _At all_.

Since Bones wasn’t there to call him one, he did it himself.

“Idiot.”    


	17. Easement

Spock could not concentrate at all on the coursework for his classes. This was not just unusual for him, but completely unheard of. And as he picked up his teacup, he noted with further discomfort that his hands shook.

Deep meditation would be required to center himself and so he cast aside his PADD for the moment and prepared for meditation.

Prior to Jim’s occupation at Spock’s apartment, he would have had any number of areas for this purpose, although most of the time he had utilized his bedroom. Clearly he would be unable to do so now.

Spock was of the opinion he was so currently rattled, because he had been unable to achieve deep meditation since Jim moved in. But even as he prepared for it now the distraction of Jim’s presence and the last few days proved to be too much.

As he stood by the windows of the apartment, looking out at the pouring rain, Spock felt lost in a way he had not since he was a child. He had no experience with being in a romantic relationship. Not with a human or a Vulcan. His current parental relationship with his father, who had experience with a human mate, was strained to the point Spock would not address such intimacies with him. His mother’s emotionalism would prevent any advice from her from being useful.

Spock could only come to the conclusion that his _experiment_ , to use Jim’s term, of being with a human had failed. He had not missed the wateriness of Jim’s eyes nor his agitation and distress. One was not supposed to be the cause of such hurt in a partner.

With a shake of his head, Spock turned from the window, turned off the lights in the rest of the apartment, and went to the bedroom to observe Jim for signs his illness had worsened. There were no outward signs and he had no desire to wake Jim, so he did not take his temperature.

Drawn to Jim, however, Spock pulled back the sheet and blanket and slipped in beside him in the bed, facing toward him. He tried to keep his fingers to himself and succeeded for ten minutes. It was not until he heard a slight whimper escape from Jim, that Spock reached out to place his fingertips on Jim’s cheek.     

It was not a meld. Spock would never do such a thing without asking, but it allowed him to feel the surface emotions Jim experienced, and he was hit with anxiety and sorrow as the most overpowering. He was about to drop his fingers from Jim’s face, when the lashes fluttered to reveal that startling blue color staring out at him.

Jim moistened his lips with his tongue. “Spock,” he said, hoarsely, almost sounding like a croak.

“I did not intend to wake you.” Spock started to pull away and was even more startled when Jim’s hand stopped him, holding his fingers to his cheek. His breath hitched.

“It’s fine,” Jim said, softly. “You didn’t. I was having a bad dream. Think I woke myself up.”

“Do you have bad dreams often?”

“Compared to others? I don’t know. They aren’t every night or anything.” He smiled a little. “This is the first one since I moved in here with you.”

“Do you recall the contents?”

“No.” He closed his eyes a moment and when he opened them again, the haze of sleep had completely gone, and they were crystal clear and blue like the bluest of skies. “What?”

“I find your eye color quite…fascinating.”

“Yeah?”

“Vulcans have brown eyes, so color variations are definitely something I notice. Your eyes were what initially drew me to you.”

“My eyes, huh?” They crinkled. “I thought it was my ass.”

“That came next.”

Jim laughed. “I’m glad it’s in there somewhere.” His expression turned serious. “I’m really sorry.”

“For what, ashaya?”

“It’s just…I want you to know, I’m not always such a clod, even if all evidence points that way.”

Spock shook his head, rubbing his thumb against the bare skin of Jim’s cheek. “I do not find you to be a clod.”

“Well, I think that, in my panicked haste to freak out over nothing,” Jim said with what Spock knew to be one of his teasing smiles, “I made you think or believe that this, that us, isn’t really, really important to me.”

“Is it?” Spock whispered.

“Very. And I’m a little afraid that I could seriously fuck this up with just a thoughtless word or two,” Jim admitted. “It’s not a good feeling.”

“I have the same fear.”

Jim exhaled. “Really?”

“Affirmative.”

“You’re just…I want you to know, I’m very much into you, Spock.”

That made his heart flutter in his side. “I am also into you, Jim.”

“You wouldn’t want to be _in to me_ , would you?” Jim waggled his eyebrows.

“You are still suffering from an illness.”

Jim sighed. “I really am suffering too.”

Alarm spiked through him. “Are you experiencing a relapse?”

“Nah, nothing like that. Just, you know, patheticitis or something.”

“I am not familiar with that ailment,” Spock murmured.

Jim grinned. “I’ve had it more times than I can count.”

“Ashaya.”

Jim turned his face so that he could place a very light kiss on Spock’s fingers, it made Spock shiver. “Are we okay?”

And though there were still many unsettled emotions swirling through him and still a lot of anxiety seeping from Jim’s skin, Spock did feel better.

“We are okay.”     


	18. You've Got a Friend

Jim stopped to peer in the window of the bookshop. “So, how did things go on your winter break?”

Bones stepped up beside him and put his hands on the window to look inside the closed shop. “Says it’s closed.”

“I can read. Is that your standard evasive answer?”

Bones scowled as they pulled away from the bookshop and continued on their way. It was cold and cloudy, but there was no sign of rain and the wind had picked up giving every indication it would blow the puffy white clouds away.

“About what I expected.”

“I’m sorry.” Jim had hoped that it was just Bones’ usual pessimism when he had declared he expected nothing but trouble from his ex when it came to spending time with his daughter.

“Yeah.”

They stopped before the diner they had been headed for and Jim held the door open for Bones to go in first. After they were settled into a booth with menus, Jim saw that Bones was looking at him, rather than at the menu.

“You already know what you want?”

“Not really. Did you ask him?”

“Ask him what?” Jim decided to play dumb.

“About the bond.”

“No, I did not. Read your menu.”

Bones huffed out a breath, but he lifted the menu in front of his face. He ran his finger along the selections and then stopped and pointed his finger hard at an item, then closed it.

“There. Happy? I decided.”

“Depends on what you chose.” Jim closed his menu just a waitress with the name tag of Sparkle arrived at the booth. He decided not to comment on it. “Coffee, please. Lots of cream. And the cheeseburger. No onions.”

Bones raised a brow. “Thought you liked onions.”

“Spock and I are going to—”

“Club sandwich,” Bones said, quickly. “ _Onion_ rings instead of the fries.”

“It’s two credits extra,” Sparkle said.

Bones nodded and thrust his menu at her. “Coffee for me too, darlin’.”

“You’re such a charmer.”

“Why didn’t you ask?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t think it matters. Besides, I honestly can’t see Spock being all domestic with me if he had a wife on the side.”

“Hmm. Maybe not. You’re feeling better?”

“All better. That was a nasty flu though. If that’s what it was.”

“After all this time, we still haven’t managed to cure the flu. In 1918 there was a worldwide flu pandemic killed millions. And again in 2140.”

Jim nodded. “I took history.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Have you told him?”

“About the flu pandemics?” Jim smirked. “I’m sure he took history too.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “You know what.”

“What?”

“The big what.”

Sparkle brought their coffee over as well as three jugs of cream.

Jim stared at Bones when she left. “You want to clue me in.”

His friend rolled his eyes and went for his coffee. He added a much smaller amount than Jim and added sugar as well. “The whole love part.”

Jim snorted.

“So you haven’t,” Bones said with a nod.

“He’s a Vulcan.”

“So?”

“They aren’t into the mushy stuff.”

“But _you_ are.”

Jim laughed. “Do you know me?”

Bones wouldn’t let it go because he asked, “When are you going to?”

“When hell freezes over.”

“Jim—”

“Bones, seriously, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but this is none of your damn business.”

Bones shook his head. “And how exactly is the right way to take that?”

“Just. Bones, I have enough troubles figuring things out with Spock without you adding shit to the mix. I know you mean well. I absolutely know that, but ease off for now. Please?”

His friend sighed just as Sparkle returned with their food. He smiled at the waitress, who blushed. “Thank you.”

As she moved away, Jim watched her, and then pushed Bones’ leg with his foot. “You should ask her out. She likes you.”

“Talk about minding your own business, Jim.”

“Well, come on. When was the last time you went out? With anyone other than me, that is.”

Bones scowled. “Your job isn’t to see I get laid, kid.”

Jim smiled. “What is my job?”

Bones plucked an onion ring off his plate. “To stay out of trouble so I’m not driven insane.”

“When am I ever in trouble?” Jim caught the ring thrown at him and took a bite.

****

What with his stupid ice skating injury and his even more stupid flu, it had been a long time since he’d gotten to enjoy any real intimacy with Spock. Who was supposed to be his boyfriend, by the way.

Anyway, it seemed like a long time. Ever since they’d begun to experiment—and okay, _maybe_ Jim was getting tired of that word just a little bit too—they’d had frequent sex, and well, Jim wasn’t necessarily proud of himself for this, but he was kind of addicted to it with Spock.  

So he was finally headed home after spending some time bonding with Bones, because yeah, Jim figured both of them needed it. Sometimes he worried about how cranky Bones was. He didn’t necessarily think Bones needed a romantic partner or anything, Jim was a firm believer you could be just fine by yourself, but he didn’t like to see Bones pull too much into himself. At the end of their time in the diner, Jim had managed to talk Bones into giving Sparkle his contact information.

After the diner they’d gone to see a comedy together and Jim had really needed to laugh. Of course, he’d asked Spock if he had wanted to come along with him, but Spock had scoffed at the diner, which okay, it didn’t really have much in the way of vegetarian fare, and scoffed even more at the idea of the dumbass comedy he and Bones had chosen to see. Jim didn’t mind. He didn’t think he’d ever be one half of those couples who _always_ had to do everything together. And he couldn’t really see Spock being like that either. So, in that, they were well-matched.

With a light step, he entered their apartment after he waved his hand across the lock.

“Spock? Babe, I’m home.” Which saying he was home kind of filled him with unexpected warmth.

Which faded when he spotted Spock bundled up in about three hundred blankets on the couch, wearing a beanie pulled down low over his ears, with tissues stuffed up his nose.

“Oh crap.”


	19. Caregiving

“Spock, babe, you’re sick?”

Spock pulled the blankets tighter around him as Jim approached the sofa with caution. “I am not sick.”

Jim stopped, hands on hips, and stared down at Spock. “You look sick.”

Which perhaps he did, Spock reluctantly acknowledged, privately, but Jim looked…delicious. It was impossible to tell he had been sick only a day or so ago.

“Vulcans do not get sick with the Terran flu,” Spock announced in a tone even he recognized sounded unreasonably superior.

“Right. But you are half human.”

It was a fine time to be reminded of that. Spock watched, somewhat confused, for he could not deny his mind was not as sharp as usual, as Jim disappeared from view. He’d been there one moment and then was gone.

“Magical,” Spock whispered.

He was startled, then, when suddenly something was stuck into his right ear. He blinked at Jim, who held Spock’s thermometer.

“Aha. You have a fever.”

“You do not have to sound cheerful about it,” Spock said, petulantly.

“I’m not,” Jim replied. He put his hand on Spock’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“I am freezing.”

“I’m sure. We’ll get you into bed right now. It’s bound to be warmer than the couch. I’ll make you some tea.”

“I would like Plomeek Soup.”

“Uh. Okay. Um. Sure. There’s a Vulcan shop a few blocks away, I’ll go there after I get you settled.”

Spock allowed Jim to pull him from the couch and to put his arms around him. “You did mention a desire for copulation.”

Jim laughed. “Not happening.”

“The desire no longer exists?”

“Yeah, it exists, but—”

“I will allow no others to take my place.”

Jim patted Spock’s shoulder. “No others are taking your place.” Jim helped him into their bedroom. “You’re still wearing your professor clothes. Let’s get you out of these and into one of those robes you love so much.”

Spock stood still as Jim removed his black jacket and then the undershirt beneath it.

“This is not making me warmer.”

“I know. But just a minute.” Jim undid Spock’s pants. “Think you can get these off by yourself while I get the sleeping robe?”

“Yes.”

Jim turned away and went into the walk-in closet. Spock sat down on the bed, well, it was more like falling onto the bed, and peeled off his pants all the way to his ankles. Then he remembered he still had his shoes on.

Spock stared down at his feet.

“Here you are,” Jim said, re-emerging from the closet, holding Spock’s heaviest sleeping robe in his hands, somewhat triumphantly. “Oh.” Jim looked down at his feet. “Hang on.”

Jim knelt on the floor before him, removing his shoes. Then he removed Spock’s socks before pulling Spock’s trousers off the rest of the way.

“Wow, your feet are cold,” Jim said. He began to rub the bottoms of Spock’s feet with his thumbs. He had never felt anything like it. “I’ll get you some nice warm socks to wear to bed.” He glanced up at Spock, smiling quizzically. “What?”

“You are stunning,” Spock whispered.

Jim laughed at that, though Spock could not figure out why. Jim got to his feet and walked over to the dresser of clothes, which he opened to retrieve a pair of wool socks gifted to Spock by his mother.

“Stand up for a second,” Jim ordered after placing the socks on Spock’s feet, and Spock obeyed. He was dressed in his sleeping robe, for which Spock was grateful for he had begun to shake with cold. Then Jim brought him over to his side of their bed, pulled back the sheet and blanket and gently pushed Spock down onto the mattress. He covered Spock with the sheet and blanket. “Be right back.”

When he returned, Jim had all the blankets Spock had on him when he’d been on the couch. He had come home feeling terrible and also cold, but he’d wanted to wait for Jim, as he knew Jim would be coming home from his outing with McCoy. Jim covered Spock with three more blankets.

“There. Is that enough? Should I go buy more?”

“It is enough,” Spock said, grateful for the warmth.

“You want to keep your beanie on?”

Spock nodded.

“All right, then, honey, I’m going to go down to that store and get some stuff to make you soup.”

“I do not wish to be trouble.”

“It’s no trouble, Spock,” Jim assured him, with a brilliant smile. “I’m just really sorry you’re sick. Go to sleep and I’ll be back soon to take care of you.”

****

Spock did not know how long he slept, but when he woke, he could hear Jim struggling with something as he approached their bedroom.  He struggled to sit up in bed just as Jim appeared in the doorway, holding one of those folded breakfast in bed trays.

“Oh,” Jim exclaimed. “Did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet.”

Spock wondered how much noise Jim would make if he was not trying to be quiet, but kept that to himself. “Do you require assistance?”

“No, no. Stay right where you are.” Jim brought the tray in. He set it aside for the moment and then propped up the pillows behind Spock, so that Spock could lounge against them. He then propped the tray over Spock’s lap. “It seems pretty stable. Soup coming right up.”

Once more Jim made enough noise that it sounded like perhaps there were ten Jims in their apartment. Spock was uncertain he could handle one let alone ten, though he decided with some small amusement, he would be willing to make the effort if it were ever presented to him.

He came back into the bedroom, carefully balancing a bowl with steam coming out of it, which he placed the bowl, Kreyla, and a spoon on the tray.

Spock stared down at the soup. “This is not Plomeek.”

“Yeah.” Jim cleared his throat. “See, I went to that Vulcan shop and this very nice Vulcan lady—” Spock quirked a brow. “No, she really was. She told me that all the Plomeek they’d gotten in their last delivery had been diseased. She had to throw it all away. I told her my problem and she suggested I could make the recipe with carrots, so, um, that’s what that is. Carrot soup.”

“Did you make the bread?”

“No. I bought it. But I did warm it up.” Jim looked at him sheepishly. “I’m really sorry. I wanted to give you Plomeek soup.”

Spock stuck his spoon into the soup and brought it to his mouth. “It is delicious.”

“Yeah?”

“The best non-Plomeek Plomeek soup I have ever had,” Spock assured Jim. He tore off some Kreyla and ate a bite. “And this is also quite good. Thank you.”

Jim blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well. I just bought it, is all. I know I’m not very good at taking care of you or anything.”

“You are doing very well indeed.”

“I am?”

“Yes. I have decided to keep you.”

Jim laughed at that. And Spock thought Jim laughed at a lot of strange things, but on the other hand, he greatly appreciated Jim’s laugh, so it was fine with Spock.

“I’m glad you like it, because I made this huge batch,” Jim told him. “Let me go get your tea.”

“Thank you, Jim.”

Spock waited until Jim had left the room to stare dispassionately at the soup in front of him. He had never acquired a taste for carrots.  


	20. Showering

“You know, I can tell Bones not to come,” Jim offered, surveying his, er, boyfriend, as he sat at the dining room table wearing one of his thick sleep robes. Spock cradled a steaming cup of dirt smelling tea in his hands.

“That is not necessary. I am well on the road to recovery. By my calculations he should have already been here.”

“Yeah, he’s late. But that’s fairly typical.” Jim frowned. “Are you sure you should be out of bed, hon?”

“I am positive. I have classwork to catch up on that is long past due.”

“Okay, but will Bones being here disturb you?”

“Not particularly. I am usually able to block out annoyances.”

Jim chuckled. “Which describes Bones for sure. You want some more carrot—”

There was a knock at the door.

“Oh that’s him.”

Jim went to the door and opened it to his predictably scowling friend.

“It’s damned windy out.”

“Good day to you, too, Bones. Come in.”

Bones stepped inside and his gaze immediately landed on Spock at the table. “Want me to examine him?”

“No.”

That was from Spock, of course.

“Well—”

“As I just explained to Jim, I am well on my way to a full recovery. Your intervention is not needed nor welcome.”

“And everyone says I’m a sourpuss.”

“You kind of are,” Jim said with a smile. He turned toward the kitchen. “I was about to heat up some carrot soup for Spock. Want some?” He turned back around in time to see Spock shake his head.

“No, that’s all right,” Bones said quickly. “I’m really not that hungry.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “I thought you were coming over to eat.”

Bones grimaced. “Okay, I’m not that hungry for carrot soup.”

“Actually, Jim, the tea is quite sufficient for now,” Spock spoke up. “You and the doctor should go ahead and have your meal. I will move to the bedroom to work.”

“All right, if you are sure.”

Jim watched as Spock got to his feet, tugged his robe around him, and then picked up his tea and PADD and went in the direction of the bedroom.

“I see you two are still acting like lovebirds.”

Jim snorted. Went to the fridge. “What _do_ you want?”

“Not carrot soup. Did you really make Spock soup?”

“Yeah, only it was supposed to be Plomeek. But they didn’t have any, so the Vulcan lady told me to use carrots.” Jim sighed. “Spock doesn’t think I know he hates it.”

Bones choked on a laugh. “He hates it?”

“Sure does.” Jim grinned. “I found evidence of him discarding it when he didn’t think I’d notice.”

“But didn’t you just say you’d give him some?”

“I did. He usually comes up with an excuse not to eat it, but a few times I’ve foisted it on him just to see what he does with it.”

“You have a warped sense of entertainment.” But Bones was smiling too.

“Anyway, I’d just throw it away, but I don’t mind it, especially with a little bit of cream mixed in. Burgers and fries?”

“As your doctor, I ought to say no.”

“Technically you aren’t my doctor.”

“Exactly, so as your friend, I say bring it on.”

****

Jim was tempted to bring Spock a bowl of soup after Bones left, but since he really would rather have a welcoming, pliable Vulcan, he decided to refrain from secretly teasing Spock.

The Vulcan was sitting up in their bed, pillows propped behind him, his face scrunched up in concentration as he typed on his PADD. He looked up when Jim entered.

“Jim. Has the doctor gone home then?”

“Yeah, he left about half an hour ago. I’ve been cleaning the kitchen.” Jim sat on the edge of the bed next to him. “You about finished for the day?”

“I could be. I did inform the head of the science department I would be back to teach tomorrow morning.”

“Good. I’m glad you feel up to it.” He reached for Spock’s hand and was rewarded with it, Spock’s fingers curving over his palm.

“I feel tremendously better.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah? How much better?”

Spock arched a brow. “What did you have in mind?”

“Nothing too strenuous,” Jim assured him. “Maybe a little playing around in the shower?”

“As an experiment?”

He grinned. “Yes.”

****

Jim groaned as Spock’s naked body slid against his under the spray of the shower. He found Spock’s mouth, happy to find Spock eager and willing to kiss back.

He wrapped his hand around Spock’s hardening dick, a thrill going up his spine when Spock’s gasped into his mouth. He closed his fingers tighter around the shaft, pulling, yanking.

“ _Jim_.”

He managed to push Spock back against the tiled wall, so that Spock had a place to brace himself should he need it. He slid his tongue into Spock’s mouth, running it along surprisingly sharp teeth.

Spock’s hand reached between them and his fingers curled around Jim’s length.

“Fuck,” Jim groaned out, grinding against Spock’s fingers and Spock himself. His own grip sped up on Spock’s dick, sliding over hard, slippery flesh.

Jim felt the approach of his orgasm, it had been entirely too long, and Spock had definitely become an expert at hand jobs. He tore his mouth away from Spock’s, panting out heavy breaths into Spock’s shoulder. His legs shook as he released spurt after spur of cum over Spock’s hand.

He dropped to his knees without pause, engulfing Spock’s throbbing hard cock into his mouth. One, two, three sucks…and Spock shot his load to the back of Jim’s throat and all over his face as Jim pulled off.

Spock reached down and gripped his arms, pulling him to his feet, and into a deep, scorching kiss.

When he broke away to catch his breath, Jim almost let the dreaded words, “I love you” fall out, but he bit them back in time, cupping Spock’s jaw and bringing their lips together once more.


	21. In Your Tears

It was an interesting experience to be awakened from a deep sleep by seduction. Something Spock had not ever imagined for himself. But that was before Jim. These days he thought of almost everything as _Before Jim_.

Jim had climbed on top of him that very morning and before Spock even came to full wakefulness, they were copulating.

Spock hadn’t had time to linger over breakfast, as such activities had made sure that he was running late to instruct his first class, but as he was getting ready to leave the apartment, Jim stopped him from where he stood in the kitchen, still wearing pajamas and looking adorably rumbled.

“Hey, babe?”

Spock paused at the door. “Yes?”

It was also quite something to get used to someone who used endearments so freely. Spock liked it, and found himself reciprocating in kind. Although, ‘babe’ was not his particular choice for Jim.

“Want to take with you some carrot soup for lunch?”

Spock turned to face Jim entirely. He noticed the amused smile. Had seen it before. He arched his brow.

Jim laughed. “I’ve been had, haven’t I?”

“You are aware of my distaste for the carrot soup.”

“I knew I used that one too many times. Yeah, I know.”

“I apologize for my perceived deception but—”

“Perceived?” Jim chuckled. “But I know. You didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I get it. Fortunately, I kind of like it myself. Lunch though?”

“Nyota and I have plans to meet at the vegetarian restaurant just off campus.”

Jim nodded. “Jolly’s?”

“That is correct,” Spock replied, vaguely surprised Jim knew of it.

“After that first date at the steakhouse, I checked around for places,” Jim explained, as though reading Spock’s mind. Jim’s smile was soft and surprisingly he seemed unembarrassed. “For if I ever talked you into seeing me again.”

“It would seem that you have.”

“Definitely. Have a good day, babe.”

“The day will be the day no matter. What is your schedule, ashayam?”

“An afternoon class. Just the one though.” Jim seemed pleased by this. “See you later?”

“Of course.”

****

“Your experiment still going well?” Nyota rested her chin on her hand, having already decided on her meal from the menu.

“Better than ever.”

She smiled. “And you seem to be feeling much improved.”

“I did not recall having ever become ill with a Terran illness prior to this one, but after speaking with my mother, I had acquired one during a visit to Earth when I was a small boy.”

“Makes weird sort of sense. I mean you are half-human.”

The waiter came by and Nyota ordered butternut squash ravioli and Spock ordered grilled portobello mushrooms.

“So, when do you bring Jim to Vulcan to meet your folks?”

Spock’s lips thinned as he reached for his glass of iced tea. “I am not sure he is ready for that level of experimentation.”

“Your mother is lovely.”

“My father is not.”

She hid a laugh behind her hand, but Spock was not offended by her merriment. He had no illusions about his father. Ambassador to Earth or not, Sarek had some trouble getting along with humans, even with one as a wife.

“Still, if you’re as serious as I think you are about Jim, you’ll have to face it eventually.”

“Acknowledged.”

“And what about his family?” Nyota asked. She paused to smile at the waiter as he brought their lunch to their table.

“He has expressed reluctance for me to meet them. I did inquire during the recent winter break, but he was steadfastly against it.”

“You two are too much. What are you afraid of? Do you think Jim will change his mind because of Sarek? Will you change yours because of his family?”

“My mind is made up,” Spock assured her. “I cannot say about his.”

Nyota sighed. “You do want to bond with him, yes?”

He nodded.

“Then—”

“He is not ready for even discussing that, Nyota.”

She huffed. “It’s ridiculous that at this stage, you are living together for heaven’s sake, doesn’t he know Vulcans at all, that he still thinks this is some kind of _experiment_.”

“If it helps him handle our being together, then it is acceptable. And I did tell him I had begun to find the term objectional.”

“Only you would fall for some kind of commitment phobe. Has he told you he loves you?”

“Negative, but I have not told him either.”

She raised both eyebrows. “What you waiting for?”

Spock opened his mouth. Closed it.

“You don’t?”

“I…do.”

“Honey, one of you has to be the first to say it. With the issues he sounds like he has, if you wait for him, you’re going to be waiting forever. One of you has to be brave.”

****

It was a long day. With the winter break and catching up after both Jim’s and his illnesses, Spock had a full schedule. He probably should have skipped lunch with Nyota. He did not make it back to the apartment until nearly seven-thirty that night.

He had sent a message to Jim to go ahead and have dinner without him and when he entered the apartment, he noted an empty pizza box on the dining room table, but no immediate signs of Jim.

The apartment was quiet, but not dark, and besides the empty pizza box, he spotted Jim’s book bag left sitting on the couch. And also Jim’s PADD beside it.  

Spock set his own things down and headed for the bedroom. Jim was not there, but he did note that the shower was running, which filled him with a strange sense of relief. He was about to turn away when he heard what sounded like a sob to him.

Alarmed, Spock was torn. If-if Jim was having a moment where he wished to cry to himself, then Spock should surely not interfere. But if Jim was upset about something that Spock could help with, it was his responsibility as Jim’s…boyfriend…to see.

He tried the door of the bathroom and it turned. Spock stepped inside.

“Ashayam?”

“Uh.” The shower turned off. “Hang on.”

Spock did. He waited for Jim to open the shower door and seize the towel that he’d laid on top of the closed toilet lid.

“S-Sorry. I didn’t hear you come home.” Jim wiped his face.

“Jim, what is wrong?”

“Nothing really, I just…” His voice trailed off and he flung himself into Spock’s arms.

Startled only momentarily, Spock’s arms came around his still damp human and pulled him close.

“My brother,” Jim said into Spock’s shoulder.

For a moment, Spock thought of McCoy, but the he realized Jim would likely have called him by name.

“Sam? What has happened?”

Jim pulled back to look at Spock, his eyes filled with tears, and bloodshot. “Got a message from Mom. I guess…he’s dead. I know I shouldn’t care. He didn’t care about me, but—”

“Shh.” He kissed Jim’s forehead. “Of course you care. I…had a brother once.”

“You did?”

“Half,” Spock murmured. “I have not seen him in years either.”

Jim looked at him again, his blue eyes so intense they were like sharp ice piercing him. “Did you love him?”

“I do not know,” Spock admitted. He hesitated. “But…Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

“What is that?”

“It is…in standard it is similar to…”

Jim’s eyes widened and Spock realized that Jim understood exactly what he was saying.

Jim kissed him hard. And harder still. His arms looped around Spock’s neck and his tearstained face bumped up against Spock’s face as he continued to devour Spock’s mouth. He tasted the saltiness of Jim’s tears, the sadness in Jim’s kiss, and the thunder of his heart beating against Spock’s chest.

For now, it was enough.


	22. A Journey Home

One of the things that Jim had discovered since his experimentation with Spock had begun was that he really loved shower sex.

In the past, he’d never really thought about it. Showers had merely been a way to clean himself and most showers he’d had weren’t really accommodating for two people anyway. But Spock had a nice big shower and Jim had quickly become addicted to them showering together.

Sure it was still a way to get clean, which happened too, but it was so much more. The intimacy they shared there, Jim didn’t know how or why, but it was exhilarating. There Spock took him with an urgency that left them both breathless, shaking, almost shocked to their core.

And each time was the same. Desperate, yearning.

“Spock,” he cried out, biting into Spock’s shoulder as he was pushed against the slippery, wet tiles, pounded into, grasped and pulled and stroked. Spock filled his ass with come, his fingers tightening on Jim’s face as his mind exploded with brilliant light, even as his body quaked with the power of his release.

****

“If you want me to come with you, all you have to do is say the word.”

Jim smiled at Bones as they strolled down the aisle of the market. “Thanks, but Spock is coming with me.”

Bones made a little face. “So that’s how it is now, is it?”

“Bones.”

His friend sighed. “I know and I’m happy for you, really.”

Jim picked up a head of lettuce, inspected it. “Yeah?”

Bones raised his eyebrows “Rabbit food?”

“Well, Spock—”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get too carried away buying groceries, Jim. You leave in the morning.”

“I know, but I have no intention of extending my stay there. It’s just, go there for the funeral, and come back as soon as possible.”

“Maybe she’ll want you there longer.”

“Doubtful. Neither of us can stand to be together for too long,” Jim reminded Bones.

He went to move on, carrying the lettuce, but Bones stopped him with a hand on Jim’s arm. “How are you holding up, Jim? Really?”

“I’m okay.” Jim frowned. “I hadn’t even seen Sam for years.”

“Still. You were close as boys.”

“Until he left me for greener pastures,” Jim said, dryly.

Bones searched his gaze. “So, what, you feel nothing?”

Jim’s gaze slid away. “I didn’t say that.”

“Jim—”

“I’m okay, all right? I just want to get this whole Riverside thing over and done with so I can come back and concentrate on my courses and Spock and friends and—”

“Glad I made it in there somewhere,” Bones said, wryly.

“You’ll always make it in there.” Jim knocked his shoulder into Bones. “Come on, let’s get this done. I’m starving.”

****

Jim was aware Spock stared at him intently as they sat side by side on the shuttle to Riverside. It had been Spock who offered to take the time off from the Academy to go with Jim to Riverside for Sam’s funeral.  He hadn’t intended to ask. Because, well, funerals were not the best time and place to meet family. Not that Jim had a ton of family left or anything. But things would likely have been awkward introducing Spock to his mom as it was, let alone under these circumstances.

A part of Jim had been grateful Spock had made the offer and part had been nervous. He didn’t think his mother would be rude or anything, but well, actually he didn’t know much.

Her message had said, ‘ _I don’t suppose you can bother yourself to come home for your brother’s service’._

Which of course, meant Jim almost told her to go to hell. Yeah, dysfunctional.

“You are very quiet,” Spock said, at last, Jim supposed when he could take Jim’s heavy silence no longer.

“This is just…it’s going to be bad.”

“I do not expect to be entertained under these circumstances, Jim.”

He nodded. “I know. It’s just…I don’t know, really.”

“You and your mother do not get along.”

Jim shrugged. “I think she got tired of me calling her a thoughtless bitch.”

Spock’s eyes widened. “You call your mother a thoughtless bitch?”

Jim’s lips twitched, not because it was at all amusing really, but Spock saying bad words, just, there was something about it that was almost endearing, which was probably weird. “A few times. We had a very contentious relationship after Tar…my stepfather sent me away.”

“I thought your stepfather’s name was Frank.”

He blew out a breath. “Yeah. Um, Tar, look, Frank sent me away to live on Tarsus IV. But I don’t talk about that. So, let’s not, okay?”

“You are a survivor of the famine on Tarsus IV?”

“Spock.”

For a moment it seemed clear that Spock did _not_ intend to let it drop. There was a mulish look about his mouth and his dark eyes had gotten darker still, black as coal, as he gazed at Jim. But then very slowly his lashes lowered over those eyes and when they rose again, the blackness of his eyes had faded back to chocolate, and his lips had softened.

He put his hand over Jim’s that rested on the armrest of the seat and squeezed and the tightness that had come on in Jim’s chest eased.

Jim turned his hand so that they were palm to palm. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“I am owed no thanks. It is as it should be.”

“Not to me, not for me, with anyone else. I’ve never known anyone like you.”

“The doctor would not have gone with you?”

“Well, yeah, he would, but…”

“Yes, Jim?”

He bit his lip. “I wanted you.”

There was a mere hint of a smile at Spock’s mouth, a flash and then it was gone. “As I said, it is as it should be.”

Jim looked away. He still hadn’t returned Spock’s words of love and he felt bad about that. Spock had to notice. Had to be bothering him. And yet, he did not say anything, did not press Jim for anything.

“You just mean…you mean a lot to me, Spock.” Jim huffed, knowing how stupid and lame he sounded. “A lot.”

Spock squeezed his hand in response.

Jim leaned into him, eying the digital display that said they would be to Riverside in only fifteen minutes. He dreaded it. But at least Spock was with him.

When his mind was flooded with warm, affection, Jim glanced at Spock, a little surprised and a little breathless, but Spock stared serenely ahead. It was nice. Very nice. And he wasn’t sure exactly how all that Vulcan mind stuff worked, but that…that was nice.

“Thanks,” he whispered. Happy when Spock didn’t tell him thanks weren’t necessary.


	23. Winona

Spock had no intention of allowing Jim to face any kind of abuse, even at the hands of his mother, so he intended to keep a very close eye on Jim.

It turned out not to be necessary, for Jim stuck by Spock’s side like they were pasted together with glue even as they walked out of the shuttle. There were even a few times where Jim had clutched at Spock’s arm and each time he’d been about to apologize to Spock but then stopped when he looked into Spock’s eyes. Whatever he had seen there, seemed to convince Jim he didn’t need to ask for forgiveness, and Spock was pleased.

Jim’s mother stood alone and off to the side of the waiting area. Spock knew it was her, not necessarily because he knew what she looked like or that she resembled her son, or her son resembled her, but rather because once more, when Jim looked in her direction, he grabbed Spock’s arm with a death grip and this time made no attempt to let go.

He allowed himself to be dragged in her direction, because with Jim having such a grip on him, there was little choice.

As it turned out, Jim did resemble her. They had the same eyes. Jim’s hair leaned more toward sandy blond and hers more toward golden, Spock suspected it was enhanced. Also their noses were almost the same. She also had the same stubborn set to her jaw.

Jim stopped short in front of her and offered no embrace or other affectionate form of greeting, but remained firmly attached to Spock. Spock noted she made no effort toward Jim either.

“Mom, this is Spock, my…Vulcan.” Jim blushed.

Her gaze flicked briefly to Spock and then back to her son. “I didn’t know you had a Vulcan.” She smiled at Spock, without warmth. “Welcome, Spock. I’m certainly sorry our meeting isn’t under better circumstances.”

“Indeed. I am…pleased to meet you nevertheless.”

Her gaze zeroed in on Jim. “Well, come then. Don’t you have a hug for your mother?”

Jim reddened further, but he stepped forward, without releasing Spock, he realized, and one arm hugged her. Winona Kirk sniffed but whether it was from emotion or affront, Spock could not tell.

She released Jim and turned toward the exit. “Come. I have a hover car waiting.” She eyed the bags they had taken with them. “Those are pretty small. Do you have other luggage?”

“We won’t be staying long.”

“Oh?” Her brows raised. “How long?”

Jim did not look at Spock, but Spock felt as though he wanted to. “Well. The funeral is tomorrow afternoon, we thought we’d head back tomorrow night.”

Her lips thinned but she said nothing. Her glare apparently spoke volumes to Jim though.

“We have classes, um, you know, back at the Academy and—”

“I think you can give me more than a night, James. Today is Wednesday.  You can fly back to San Francisco on Sunday.”

Jim opened and closed his mouth.

She glanced at Spock. “If you need to return after the funeral, Spock, I’ll certainly understand.”

Spock cleared his throat slightly. “No. I will stay with Jim, of course.”

“Excellent. If you two are ready then, let’s be on our way. I took the liberty of booking us at a restaurant,” she explained, as she made her way out of the shuttle bay. “Under the circumstances, I felt dinner at home would be too much trouble.”

“Mom, Spock’s a vegetarian.”

“Yes, I know that. I’m not stupid. The restaurant includes vegetarian choices,” she told them. “Of course, it _would_ have been nice to have been informed you were bringing Spock with you.” She clucked her tongue. “If I _had_ chosen a restaurant with only meat choices it would have been your fault, Jim.”

They boarded the hover car and though Jim made it clear he would have rather rode in the back where Spock was, he took the seat beside his mother.

She studied Jim’s profile as she started the car. “Your skin is breaking out again. Which means you’re probably not eating properly.” She sighed. “I hope you aren’t just eating junk, Jim.”

“No.”

“Good. At least I know you’ll eat well while you’re here. Now that I only have one son, I guess I have to take extra care of you.”

Spock saw Jim flinch, but he said nothing else as she pulled out of the shuttle bay parking lot.

****

“I can only imagine what Jim has been saying about me,” Winona Kirk said after they’d been seated at a booth in a dark corner of a restaurant called **Rebel**.   

Spock briefly looked up from the menu he had been perusing. “He has not spoken much of you either way.”

At this, she snorted. “Now that I believe.”

Spock squeezed Jim’s hand under the table, since Jim continued to desire physical contact with Spock. He did not mind.  

“Are you the reason he wouldn’t come home at the holidays?”

“Mom. I told you, I was—”

“Busy. Yes. How busy can one be on a break from school?” She shook her head, then leaned toward Jim and his menu. “I want you to order a lot tonight. You’re too thin.” She looked at Spock. “He’s told you he was on Tarsus, right?”

“ _Mom_.”

She rolled his eyes. “Has he?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She patted Jim’s hand that rested on the table instead of grasping Spock’s almost painfully. “If you’re going to be my son’s… _Vulcan_ , then you will need to be aware of the unique challenges Jim faces. I know what you’re thinking.”

“Do you?” Jim asked, his voice sharpening. It was the first time since they arrived that Jim showed a tiny bit of defiance. If this is what being around his mother did to Jim, Spock could definitely see why he avoided it.

“Oh, I am well aware of what you think of me. Jim blames me for just about everything. Especially my ex. He’s told me a million times.”

“Because it’s been true a million times,” Jim retorted. He reached for the glass of wine that had been placed in front of him when Winona had insisted on ordering a bottle.

“Do you get along with your family, Spock?”

“Not as well as I would like.”

“Ah, a man of diplomacy I see.”

Jim put his menu down. “How did Sam die?”

Her eyes softened. It was the first time Spock had seen that kind of emotion in her since they arrived. “They said there was an explosion in the lab. My other son was a scientist. Sam wasn’t close to either me or Jim. He left Jim by himself with my bastard ex when Jim was just a defenseless little boy. Sam was a runaway. And yes, it was my fault. Still, I did try to keep in touch with him once we reconnected.”

Jim remained silent for a moment before asking, “Did they send—

“Parts,” she whispered, averting her eyes. She picked up her own wine glass and took a sip. She patted Jim’s hand again. “I’m glad you’re here.” She smiled as the waitress came over. “Let’s order.”


	24. Asking

“I really owe you an apology.”

Spock glanced at Jim from his position by the window of the room he and Jim had been given in the farmhouse. Jim had informed him it was his old bedroom. At least Jim’s mother hadn’t bothered to give them separate bedrooms they would have had no intention of making use of. Spock would not leave Jim alone in this house, under these circumstances, in this negative atmosphere.

“For?”

“Dragging you into all this. I should have advised you to stay behind in San Francisco.”

“I am glad that you did not insist on such a thing. I would have had to argue with you and I do not like to do so.”

Jim sighed and turned around in the room, hands held out. “You can’t possibly want to be here.”

“I am not here for a vacation, Jim. I am here to support you.”

“I know but…God. This is worse than I even imagined.”

Spock stepped over to him and put his hands on Jim’s forearms. “I must state that I feel it is a more healthy choice for you if you abide by your original intentions and depart after your brother’s service.”

“She’ll be really pissed.”

“I have no doubt of that. And it is not my intention to place myself between you and your mother or to interfere into a family situation fraught with so much tension and uncomfortable emotions, however, your mother’s state of displeasure is not my concern. My concern is that you are not damaged by her obvious hostility and disrespect for you.”

“It’s always been like that between us,” Jim told him. “Well. For a long time. She was an absent mother most of the time and as she said I resented her for Frank. And for Tarsus.”

“I am sorry that she blurted that out at dinner.”

Jim shook his head. “She has no filter or boundaries. And I guess I should cut her some slack because of Sam. But honestly, prior to this I don’t even know when the last time it was she saw Sam. Still, he was her son.”

“I will defer to your good judgment, Jim. And if you think it is beneficial to stay here longer, than I will acquiesce.”

“She’s right though. If you want to go back after the service, believe me, I won’t blame you. At all.”

“I am not leaving here without you.”

Jim smiled then, it lit his eyes. “You know, I think, maybe it’s time I tell you I’m crazy in love with you.”

Spock sucked in a breath. “Experimentally?”

He was pleased when Jim laughed.

“Call it whatever, but it’s true.” Jim lifted his hand to Spock’s cheek. “Some part of me has been in love with you since the beginning. I mean, sure, I wanted desperately to have sex with you because—”

“Jim.”

“Well, come on, Spock. Have you seen you? Everyone wants to have sex with you. But I liked you. A lot. I mean… _a lot_. So I was pretty crushed when I fucked things up so badly for our date.”

“I will be forever grateful that you convinced me to take a second chance with you. With us.”

“Me too. I didn’t know it would work, but I’m glad it did.”

“You know how I feel about you, ashayam. It stopped being an _experiment_ for me long ago.”

“Me too.” Jim kissed him, deeply, thoroughly. He took Spock’s hand. “Make love to me. Here. Now.”

“Your old bed?”

Jim nodded. “You can vanquish all the demons. Because they don’t exist when I’m with you.”

They fell onto the bed together, Spock conveniently on top, their lips crushed against each other.

He inched Jim’s shirt up to expose his stomach so that he could cover the bare flesh there with kisses. Jim shivered. A part of Spock did feel a little strange being intimate with Jim with his mother nearby but not strange enough to stop what they both desired.

It didn’t take either of them long to discard their clothes and once more Spock lay atop Jim, kissing and touching him everywhere.

“Bond with me,” Spock whispered against Jim’s mouth, kissing the corner there. He pushed inside Jim’s body, but his fingers lay against Jim’s face, gentle unobtrusive.

“Experimentally?” Jim teased.

“Jim.”

“Just a…mmm.” Jim arched up into him, wrapping his legs around Spock’s waist. “Are you really proposing while fucking me?”

 “Yes.”

“So you want to…ohh.”

“Yes. Forever.” But Spock’s body betrayed him and he moved deeper inside Jim, pounding fast and thoroughly so that neither had the breath to speak. Spock spoke with his lips on Jim’s instead, tongues lashing, breath mingled, as Jim gasped and moaned, his sounds captured and held and owned by Spock.

“What is your answer?” Spock asked, somewhat shyly, later when they had lain together, wrapped up in limbs and promises, long after their breathing had eased. Jim traced lazy circles up Spock’s side by his heart. The farmhouse was quiet, almost too quiet. Spock was not sure he would appreciate living in a place like Riverside.

Jim let out a long, exhaled breath. “You-you really want that with me?”

“Who else?”

Jim’s fingers stopped their circles and just rested where Spock’s heart beat. “Oh. Just about anyone, really.”

“And yet…I want you.”

Jim leaned up to look at Spock, though it was dark now, they’d turned off the lights ten minutes earlier. “That’s a pretty serious commitment.”

Spock’s heart skipped. “If it is not—”

Jim’s other hand covered Spock’s mouth. “When?” Then he removed his hand.

“As soon as possible. As soon as it can be arranged.”

“On Vulcan?”

“Yes,” Spock whispered.

“It can’t be until all this is over.”

“I know.” Spock swallowed. “Your answer?”

“Okay.”

Leave it to Jim to respond with something so ordinary as “okay”. Yet, Spock would happily take it.

“Then…then yes?”

Jim laughed. “Yes, Spock. Yes.”

He flipped Jim over on his back and kissed him. This time he gave the words in Standard. “I love you.”


	25. The Funeral

Jim woke the morning of Sam’s funeral feeling a sense of loss, but more for the fact he and Sam had never really had the relationship Jim had wanted them to have, and now, they never would.

He woke before Spock, as he often did, because back in the days of Frank and the Tarsus famine, he never slept for long, and definitely not deeply. He’d never been able to get back into the habit of normal sleep, though, most of the time, these days, his dreams were nightmare free. He had Spock to thank for that.

After his shower, he went back into the bedroom to find that Spock was still asleep. Rather than wake him, for he did not need to be up yet, Jim grabbed his clothes and returned to the bathroom to dress. He dressed in black slacks and a black dress shirt he’d brought with him as well as the black shoes he normally wore with his cadet’s uniform. The whole ensemble made him vaguely uncomfortable, but he supposed there was nothing at all about the day that would give him comfort.

Jim was not surprised to see his mother already up and, in the kitchen, her back to him, as she fussed with the toaster. Next to her coffee was already brewing in her old fashioned coffeemaker. He didn’t miss the stiffening of her shoulders, telling him, without him needing to even wonder, she was aware of him presence. The fact that she reacted that way told him much about the strained state of their relationship, even if he hadn’t been hit over the head with it at dinner the evening before.

“Good morning.” He attempted neutrality. Wasn’t sure he was successful as he’d heard the edge in his own voice.

“Coffee?” she asked without turning around.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Spock not up yet?”

“No.”

She reached into a cabinet and pulled out a mug. “Something to eat?”

“Not really hungry.”

“You really should eat. You don’t want to continue bad habits.”

He stepped into the kitchen and over to where she stood. He leaned against the counter facing her so she would be forced to look at him.

“Whatever habits I have are my own. My responsibility.”

She still wouldn’t look at him. “Huh. I thought everything was _my_ responsibility.”

“Well, it sure was when I was a kid, yeah,” Jim said. “But fortunately, I haven’t been a kid and your responsibility for a while now.”

“Yeah, I know, Jim. I was just the worst mother.”

“Not the worst, no. But there was a lot of room for improvement. For example, you could have simply been there, there was that. But you never were.”

“I did the best I could. But that was never good enough for you or Sam.”

“You know, Mom, I’m not going to do this with you again. Every time we get together, we have the same conversation. And that’s _my_ fault. I let myself get goaded into it with the passive aggressive shit. But today, you’re burying your oldest son—”

“Pieces of him, you mean,” she cut in flatly.

Jim flinched and he knew that was exactly the reaction she wanted from him. God, the games they played with each other had become tedious.

“Mom, this is hard for both of us.”

“Is it hard for you, Jim? When was the last time you even spoke to him?”

“When was the last time he spoke to me? Or even gave a damn about any of us?” Jim gritted his teeth. He slammed down the coffee cup. “Stop. God, we do this every damn time. And I don’t want to do it anymore.”

She said nothing then, just turned away from him, looking sullen and perhaps defeated.

“Spock and I are not staying after the service.”

Silence greeted his sentence for so long he suspected she would not respond at all and he was about to turn away and return upstairs to where Spock slept.

“I see.”

“What we have is not…healthy,” Jim told her. “There’s too much hurt between us. What I’ve found with Spock, with my friends, it just…it doesn’t compare. I’ve found love and acceptance. Happiness.”

She turned to look at him, her gaze unreadable.

“This isn’t to hurt you, Mom. It’s to save me.”

“Very well. I understand.”

“Do you? I’m bonding with Spock.”

“Bonding? The Vulcan thing. You are connecting your mind with his?”

“Yes.” Jim went to her then and took her hands in his. “Do you object?”

Tears pooled in her eyes. “If I did? Would it matter?”

“No.”

She nodded. “Then go. After the funeral. You’re right. We’re not good for each other. We never were. After…it doesn’t matter.”

“What, Mom?”

“We wanted a big family. Did you know that? Me and your dad.”

“Yeah?”

She smiled a little. “Sam was born with such love. We were so happy to have him. And then you…we were so excited.” She blinked her eyes. “But then…the love was gone. And you became a tragedy.”

Jim closed his eyes, his throat clogging. He shook his head as his own tears threatened. He released her hands, or tried to, but she held on and pulled him close.

“My baby,” she whispered brokenly. Then she pushed him away and ran out of the kitchen and outside.

He wiped his eyes, releasing a long held breath. Then he went back upstairs.

When he opened the door, Spock stood by the bed.

“Jim?”

“I want to be your T’hy’la again.”

“I do not understand.”

Jim went to him then, putting his hands on Spock’s face. “I was afraid. Before. I was afraid to love you and everything that went with that. I’m not anymore. We _are_ soulmates.”

Spock’s thumb brushed at Jim’s cheek. “You are upset.”

“No,” Jim denied. “But pack everything. We’re returning to San Francisco as soon as the service is over.”

“Are you certain, ashayam?”

“Yes. I don’t care if I ever come back to Riverside.”

Spock looked deep into his eyes. “Very well…T’hy’la.”

****

The turnout was small. Sam had left Riverside years ago and no one had known him very well. Those that were there knew Jim or Winona. Some George. Jim noticed that no one who had worked with Sam or knew Sam as an adult had come. He supposed they had their own service for him elsewhere, where it was likely more meaningful than the family Sam had left behind.

She’s asked Jim to speak at the service, and so he had, reluctantly.

“I hadn’t seen Sam for a long time, but I remember the last time I did. We never got to be the brothers we both wanted to be, not then, and more recently, we…well we never connected. And I’ll live with that loss now. For the brother I once knew and loved, I grieve.”

His mother said nothing. She cried through most of the service, which made Jim cry. He was grateful Spock was there.

At the end, when they left for the shuttle bay, Jim had a moment where he nearly changed his mind and went back. Tried harder. Maybe he should have. But he left Riverside. With Spock. And tried not to look back. Not this time.


	26. I Want to Marry You

Jim supposed he had been a touch too inside his own head on the shuttle ride back to San Francisco, back to home, as he now thought of it, for Riverside, if it had ever been his home, no longer was.

To his credit, Spock remained silent and supportive beside him. Jim wondered how in the world he had gotten so lucky as to even meet Spock let alone have Spock fall in love with him. But for once, Jim was going to let himself be happy. Maybe seeing his mom like that, maybe knowing Sam was gone forever, made him realize there really was no time.

When they got off the shuttle and exited the building and onto the street, Jim realized Spock was doing his staring thing.

“What?”

“You have a bounce in your step.”

“I’m really glad to be back here,” Jim admitted. “And even more glad to be with you.”

He was gifted with one of Spock’s rather rare small smiles and it made his heart sing. Which, Jim guessed, was strange. But he couldn’t remember ever being happy like this and he knew he had never loved anyone like this or been loved.

He resisted grabbing Spock’s hand, but only because he’d rather do just about anything than embarrass Spock or make him uncomfortable, but he did touch Spock’s forearm to make sure he had his attention.

“Come on. There’s some place I really want us to go.”

“Where?”

“A surprise. Just come.”

And Spock did. He followed Jim with such trust and willingness that Jim felt even happier. Almost euphoric. Maybe it was exaggerated because he’d been so unhappy before. But whatever.

The place he remembered was off most of the main streets downtown and Jim hoped it was still there. A couple of times Spock questioned their destination, but Jim managed to evade any direct answers.

Then he found it. He stopped beside it and Spock looked up at the signage.

“Twenty-Four Hour Weddings.”

Jim smiled at Spock’s stunned look. “You know, there’s an old song, it goes something like, ‘It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do, hey baby, I think I want to marry you’.”

Spock tilted his head. “You wish to do something dumb?”

He laughed. “Well, no. It’s not. It’s just…the song. I know we want to get bonded. And I can’t wait. Really. But, I think, in the meantime, absolutely nothing would make me happier than making you my husband…right now.”

The Spock stare was back and for a moment, Jim’s good mood threatened to deflate for he was sure Spock really did think the idea was dumb. Or that Jim was just doing something crazy on the spur of the moment they would later regret. Maybe the old Jim would have, but he didn’t. Not now. He couldn’t regret Spock. Ever.

Then without a word, Spock turned and opened the door to the wedding place and walked inside. Heart in his mouth by now, Jim followed him in.

He moved close to Spock, not quite touching, but there was no space between them, and Jim realized there rarely was when they were together.

A man, an Andorian, came forward to greet them with a wide smile. “Gentlemen, may I help you?”

“We want to get married,” Jim spoke up.

The Andorian glanced at Spock, as though for confirmation. Spock nodded.

“Excellent. Will you be exchanging your own vows?”

Jim looked at Spock, who shrugged. “Nah, just whatever you have.”

The man smiled. “You are being spontaneous.”

“That’s right.”

“How wonderful. Will you be needing wedding rings? We have a handsome selection.” He paused. “I even do engravings.”

“Well, I don’t think—”

“Yes,” Spock interrupted. At Jim’s questioning look, he said, “I’m not opposed to adornments. Jim, why do you not contact the doctor and have him come here so that he can be here for the ceremony. I will deal with the rings.”

“You think I should?”

“Absolutely. And if you will, have him contact Nyota for me to see if she can come as well.”

“Oh. Sure.” Jim smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

He walked outside to contact Bones as Spock went with the Andorian to a back room to choose their rings. He was surprised Spock wanted rings, but he was definitely not opposed to showing off that he was wed to Spock.

He bit his lip and sent a quick message to his mother, thinking he probably should. He made it brief.

_Getting married today._

He didn’t expect a response. He then called up Bones.

“Jim. You still in Riverside?”

“No, thank God.”

“How was it?”

“Terrible. Listen, what are you doing right now?”

Bones paused. “Nothing much. Why?”

“Spock and I are getting married.”

“What...now?”

Jim laughed. “Just come here. Please? And get Uhura too. For Spock. He asked. It’s on Eighth and Warren.”

“All right, all right.” Bones paused again. It was quite a pregnant pause. “You sure about this, Jim?”

He closed his eyes. “You have no idea.”

“We’ll be there soon.”

****

About an hour later they stood before the Andorian man, who also had his wife with him, who was all smiles.

Beside Spock was Uhura, who kept hugging Spock and wiping her eyes. Bones stood next to Jim, looking torn between shock and begrudging pleasure.

Jim could barely stand still.

“Jim, please take your ring and repeat after me as you hold Spock’s hand.” They had altered the ceremony just a little, but they were both pleased with the changes they’d made.

Jim nodded and took Spock’s left hand, staring into shining brown eyes.

“With this ring I thee wed.”

“With this ring I thee wed.”

“With my body I thee worship.”

“With my body I thee worship.”

“With my heart I thee love for all the days of our lives.”

“With my heart I thee love for all the days of our lives.” Jim smiled. “And beyond.”

The Andorian nodded his approval and turned to Spock to have him say the same words.

And then…

“Please kiss your husband.”

Jim grinned and grabbed Spock’s collar. “My pleasure.”

Bones made a whooping noise and Jim laughed pulling away from a bemused Spock as Uhura threw rose petals over them.

Then she was hugging Spock again as Jim’s communicator buzzed.

He threw Bones a smile and went to the corner of the room. He fetched it out and read.

_I wish you and Spock every happiness and great love._

“Jim? All is well?”

He smiled at his new husband. “Sure is.” He looked down at his ring. “Oh. You got them engraved. I didn’t pay attention. Is that _Vulcan_?”

“Indeed. I wrote it down for him. He was quite skilled with the engraving device.”

Jim studied both their rings. The Vulcan script was identical.

“What’s it say?”

Spock took Jim’s hand and lifted it to his lips. He kissed each fingertip sending a shiver up Jim’s spine. “The Experiment.”

Mirth bubbled up inside him as Jim burst out laughing. “Oh, my God. I love you so fucking much.”

Spock drew him close and murmured in Jim’s ear. “T’hy’la.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, my friends, is the conclusion of this one. I only hope that you enjoyed reading it one-tenth as much as I enjoyed writing it. With my love.


End file.
